Wednesday, May 13, 2015

A Kind Email

Letter published with permission from the author:

Hello,

   I tried to leave a comment on your site, but I don't think it worked. I want to tell you how much you have helped me.

   I miscarried our fourth child at 8 weeks in August 1994. I had been brought up to believe that at this early stage there was no baby, just a clump of cells. So, I didn't think to look for our baby, and put the grief to the back of my mind. August 1995 saw the safe arrival of our daughter. Family life continued and every time thoughts of our missing child arose, I ignored them.

   In October 2008 our eldest child died aged 21. In coming to peace with this, the earlier loss was harder to ignore and I started mentioning the miscarriage to family and friends.

   In September 2014, I developed post viral fatigue and have had to stop rushing about. I spend much time meditating and just thinking quietly about things. My little one kept coming to mind and I have recently been drawn to the you tube videos made in memory of angel babies. I suddenly knew that little one had not been just a clump of cells and I really needed to see what he/she would have looked like.

   I searched " what does an 8 week gestation baby look like." And your site was the one I looked at. I cannot start to tell you how helpful I have found it. 19 years later, I can finally grieve for my baby. Even though I am not yet able to talk about this with my family, I know through the stories and photographs that I am not alone, that little one was a real baby. I never held him/ her but he/she grew next to my heart and will always be there.  I take comfort from the fact that my two children in heaven have each other.

   The strength of my reaction suggests to me that part of my health problem has been caused by being in denial for all these years. I am confident that my health will improve. I love knitting and crocheting and will be making hats, blankets etc for preemies as well as angel babies as a way of honouring the lives of my two in heaven.

   Thank you so much for being there.

Peace and love

Fiona

4 comments:

  1. I am so glad I found your blog! I have had one ectopic pregnancy and 2 miscarriages, and understand the pain and grief that people like me are going through now. It must have been a difficult time for all of us, and sometimes lonely.. Thoughts and prayers for our lost innocents.. I have also started a blog to find strength: http://missyhopeful.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry I'm not sure how I ask for permission for use of a photo?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tiffany, you may email me at lostinnocentsorthodox (at) gmail (dot) com.

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