Photographs

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. --Genesis 1:27

It can be worrisome thinking about retrieving your baby for burial. One of the problems is knowing what you're looking for. If your baby is sixteen weeks gestation then there's no problem recognizing him. It's a different story if you're six weeks. Looking on the internet for photographs to aid you is a sticky business because you're likely to come across things you'd rather not have seen. I have culled the internet for some photographs of babies at each week gestation and have included sizes if the baby is not in a recognizable context. A heartfelt "thank you" to all of the women who have graciously allowed me to post photographs of their babies. [You may notice that some of these are "stock photos". If you have natural photographs of your baby and would feel ok with them being included on this page, I would be grateful to hear from you.]

[Important note on recognizing the baby: Depending on how long it has been since the baby died, you may notice that the baby is smaller than you would expect for the age he/she was at death. Their size shrinks over time and so a baby who grew for eight weeks may only appear to be six to seven weeks at the time of delivery (or if another ultrasound is performed). This can be confusing to you. If, in fact, your baby died at six weeks but it is another few weeks before you deliver, you may not be able to see anything at all by the time you complete the miscarriage. Don't feel that your baby never existed. As difficult as it is to experience, if you were pregnant, then you had a baby and you are that baby's parent forever. 

In addition, depending on the time elapsed between death and delivery, you may see something different in terms of the sac. Usually the amount of amniotic fluid decreases over time so depending on how much there was to start with, you may or may not see a nice, full "bubble". In addition (and this is important), the uterus will form a clot around the sac/baby as time goes on. This means that you may deliver the baby in the sac very obviously, or you may deliver a sac with a clot attached, or you may deliver what appears to be a large clot or placenta but which is actually the sac enclosed in a clot. Especially if you feel as though you are completing the miscarriage but haven't seen the sac, check inside the large clots. This sounds gross, but it will feel a little different when you are looking for your baby. The clot will be on the sac, not the baby (all things being equal) so you will still be able to remove the baby from the sac if you so desire. When my first son was born his sac had a large clot attached. It covered about 1/3 of the surface. When my second son was born there was no clot attached at all.]

*     *     *     *     *

Four Weeks (Four weeks gestation is counting from your last menstrual period and is about the earliest most people realize they're pregnant. All dates are given from LMP.)


At this stage you may not recognize the baby for what it is. You may see a very small whitish or greyish piece of tissue, possibly with a cord attached, probably in a fluid-filled sac. You will also probably have heavy bleeding with clots. It can be difficult to retrieve the baby at this stage.

Four Weeks: 1/8 inch long (source)
  

Five Weeks

           (Sara's baby, Simsim, approximately five weeks)

A very generous reader has shared photographs of her miscarried baby. Sara was about five weeks when she began cramping and bleeding. The next day she passed a small amount of tissue which her doctor had told her would be the baby. Since most people who miscarry will do so by six weeks it is very helpful to have photographs such as these.


What you are seeing is not only the baby, but the umbilical cord as well.



  And the photograph below is a textbook photo so you can see the detail:

Five weeks, 2 days: (source)


Six Weeks

             (Jennifer's baby, Journey (approximately 6 weeks, miscarried at 10 weeks))

Notice the similarity to Sara's baby Simsim, pictured above at about 5 weeks. Journey is still in the sac and attached to the placenta. I am assuming that the placenta kept growing for a while after the baby stopped developing, explaining the size.

 


And the photograph below is a textbook photo so you can see the detail:

approximately 0.5 cm (source)

            (Thea's twins: The Ehlowa Twins (6 weeks, delivered at 10.5 weeks) [story])


"After ripping open the gestational sac the two amniotic sacs came into better view.  The sacs were very close together before I spread them apart to take the photo.  The tiny babies are inside the sacs, one just above the 10 and 1/4 inch mark and the other just above the 11 inch mark."


"Here are the amniotic sacs after I freed them from the gestational sac/placenta."



[There are a few more photos on the Actual Process page that show the large clot containing the sacs before and after Thea opened it.]


Seven Weeks 

            (Amber's baby: "Our Angel Baby" (7 weeks, 4 days, delivered at 11 weeks, 5 days) [story])


(Textbook close-up so you can see the detail:)

approximately 1 cm (source)


Eight Weeks

              (Bethany's baby, Blessing)



           (Lisanne's baby, Shiloh Rune. [Story])

Shiloh is in the middle of the photograph inside the sac, right on the edge.

Next to the sac



Nine Weeks 

            (Valerie's baby, Little One (9 weeks, 4 days) [story]




            
              (Candy's baby, Kendall (9 weeks, 5 days)) [story]






Ten Weeks 

          (Shelley's baby, Mason)


          (Ivy's baby, Bliss)
                    Baby Bliss died at 10 weeks (per ultrasound) and was born 4 weeks later at home.
                    The baby was in the sac inside this clot (which also contains at least a portion of the 
                    placenta). 





Eleven Weeks

         (My baby, Gabriel (He died at 10 weeks, 6 days))

Still in the sac

In the sac, but after most of the amniotic fluid had been released

Just out of the sac


You can see details better when tiny babies are in water.

(slight distortion from the glass jar wall)

Perfect feet with all tiny toes.

           (Eliane's baby, Noah

(Noah looks closer to 13 weeks leading me to think that he was 11 weeks from conception, not LMP)




Twelve Weeks

            (My baby, Andrew [story]. He was 13 weeks but appeared closer to 12.)


9 cm, 1 ounce

            (My baby, Innocent [story]. He was 12 weeks 5 days.)




 Thirteen Weeks

           (Amanda's baby, Rowan)

approximately 7 cm


             (Amelia's baby, Isaiah)






Fourteen Weeks

     (Dawn's baby, David (reported to have died at 14 weeks, delivered at 16 weeks, but much larger than the typical 14 week baby))





Fifteen Weeks

        (Amelia's baby, Micah)


(Micah's legs are resting on his belly; you can see the stump of his cord in the middle.)






Sixteen Weeks

         (Diana's baby, Owen (16 weeks, 3 days))



               (Jennifer's baby, Ava May (approx 16weeks but may be younger))

4.5 in or 12 cm



A view of Ava still in the sac with the placenta behind.



Seventeen Weeks 

                (Morgan's baby, Emerson (17 weeks, 3 days): "Induced after we found out his heart had stopped within the previous 24 hours. He was born with his cord wrapped three times around his neck.")

160g (5.6 oz) , roughly 9" long

                  (Jamie's baby, Gabriel (17 weeks, 4 days))












(I do not have permission to post these pictures, but there is a lovely series of photographs of Gene and Melodie's son, Caleb at this link. They have graciously allowed me to link back to them.)


Eighteen Weeks
     (Diana's baby, Sophia (17 weeks, 5 days))




     (Natasha's baby, Jeremiah)







Nineteen Weeks

            (Amanda's baby, Levi)





      (Lexi's baby, Walter)




(more photos of Walter here)


Twenty-One Weeks

         (Makayla's baby, Joshua (21 weeks, 3 days) [story])







Thirty Weeks

        (Melissa's baby, Calypso (29 weeks, 5 days))

(Note: Calypso was born alive and lived for 23 days before entering Heaven.)


13 inches, 3 lbs, 1.9 oz






Thirty-three Weeks

      (Trish's baby, Evelyn [story])





Thirty-six Weeks

            (Dawn's baby, Hannah Grace)




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**Please note that these photographs are of people's children, no matter how small. If you wish to use one of these photos for any reason, please contact me or the originator of the photograph (always linked) before you do. I have had many requests to repost photos of Innocent and others and I have no problem with that if they are not used in an exploitative way or for someone's profit. But do please ask first because it can cause a lot of pain for a parent to come across their child's photo when they are not prepared for it. In addition, I unfortunately have had to add watermarks. This does not mean that I am claiming that I personally took all of these photos. This is saying that all of the photographs on this site have been used with permission and I don't want them to be stolen and used for any other purpose. Thank you.**

Here are some sites that have parent-submitted photographs of still-born and miscarried babies. The majority are later gestation but there are a few earlier gestation. These sites generally feature portrait type photographs.

Missing Angel Foundation (This site is primarily of later gestation to full-term babies.)
Stillborn Angels (This site has a few more early gestation babies.)
Stillbirthday (This page has been recently created and has babies classified by gestational age, similar to this page)

[Additional note: There are frequent visitors from pages containing arguments that an X week baby does not look like a baby (and therefore is fine to kill). Look at this logically: We all start from two cells. How can two cells look like a three month old? Those cells divide and divide etc. and eventually you can see the beginning of eyes and arm and leg buds (not to mention the complex workings inside). The ad hominem argument that is most frequently used is this: "Such and such model of a tiny baby doesn't look exactly like the real thing therefore all pre-born babies are fine to kill." Because the nose on a silicone model, used to give people the idea of what a baby at X weeks looks like, is slightly more prominent than on the actual baby doesn't mean the entire model is a figment of someone's imagination. If anyone has any doubt about what an 8 or 10 or 12 week baby looks like, you need only look at the photographs above. If you're trying to convey this information to someone else, I ask that you please do not copy the photograph, just link back to this page. Thank you.]

69 comments:

Anonymous said...

I had twins. I lost one at 7weeks. I try not to talk about it because of the reactions I get. One: "Focus on the living child." Two: "How far along were you?" Three: "At least you didnt have to bury your baby." All of these make me angry. It doesnt matter how far along I was. He(I am convinced the other twin was a boy) was still my baby. He was a plan, no accident here. He was an AI baby. I planned for him. I wanted him. And I would've given anything to touch my baby boy. To have a picture. A burial. I feel robbed. Even after he passed, I had to carry him. His sister, now 4yrs old, carried on. She is the light of my life, but not a day goes by that I dont think of him. I had to watch him slowly fade, until he finally came out. It was a blood bath and very traumatic. All I wanted was to bury my son. He was in pieces. I never got to say goodbye. I keep all of this bottled up inside bc no one understands. This site is a blessing. I am crying as I write, but I know that someone out there knows how I feel. I dont want anyone to try and make me feel better. I just wanna be able to talk about him. His name was Corbin Tyler. The twins' room was unisex. Pooh and Friends. I bought matching Pooh bears for them. I still have his in a box. I heard his heart beat. I talked to him everyday. I rubbed him everyday. I am so thankful his sister survived. I wonder how they would play together. I daydream about it all the time. I try and picture him sitting on the floor with her. All I wanted was to say goodbye.

Matushka Anna said...

Anon., I'm very sorry for your loss. No matter how happy you are that your daughter is alive, you still have a right to grieve for your son. I think that people not understanding that fact is a very common problem. May Corbin Tyler's memory be eternal!

(In case you or anyone reading this would find this helpful, this is a site to help people through the loss of one twin: http://www.climb-support.org/index.html?onetwin)

Olivia said...

I am so grateful to have found this site. I just found out yesterday that my baby's heart stopped beating at 11 weeks 1 day. I would be 11 weeks 5 days today. I am devastated, but I thought seeing a picture of what my baby should look like right now might help me in this process as I grieve. My heart and love go out to everyone that has gone through this or will go through this. I continue to believe that God is good and lean on His comfort, peace and strength.

Matushka Anna said...

Olivia, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May God comfort you and give you peace. I'm glad this site has been helpful. If you need information you do not see on here or need to talk, you can email me at lostinnocentsorthodox@gmail.com.

Renee kawaii said...

Thank you for sharing your little angels with us. I am excited I am pregnant 16 weeks and seeing how formed my baby is in real form makes me appreciate the life inside of me that much more. I am sorry for everyone that has lost a baby but just know that you now have to live for you, your family and this lil precious life. Everything will be ok. People love and pray for you even though you don't know them. God Bless everyone.

Jennifer said...

I miscarried at 8wks in 2007, our son Marcos was stillborn at 34 weeks on May 13, 2011, our daughter Aubree was stillborn at 34 weeks on October 23, 2012. I've never been so hurt in my life, my husband and I have no living children. :( Nothing will ever be the same. I don't know what questions to ask the docs, I'm not sure if I even want to try to have another, I know if I do, that child won't ever replace my baby angels!! :( A persons a person, no matter how small!

Matushka Anna said...

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your children. Especially to have experienced the loss of Marcos, then to lose Aubree at the same gestation the next year. You have a lovely website in their honor. Please do contact me via email. (lostinnocentsorthodox@gmail.com)

Anonymous said...

My son was born at 28 weeks. Three pounds. Lots if problems the first year, some learning delays in the early years. He is 23 now, healthy, not quite 6 feet. Looking at these pictures wows me. It could have ended very different.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this site. I just found I had my first miscarriage, I was only about 4 weeks along, possibly less, I didn't even know I was pregnant and thought I was experiencing a late period. I'm certain I passed my baby early in what I thought was my "period", so I didn't get to see him or touch him. I know it was such an early loss that some wouldn't deem it really a loss, but I am still shocked when I realize I first knew for certain I was pregnant when my baby was already dead. I'm haunted by feeling that I shouldn't grieve so young a death, that no one would really consider it a death anyway. Yet I'm also haunted by wondering where my baby is now and why I'll never meet him? Thank you for helping me believe what I know: that my grieving is right and my baby is precious. I have a beautiful daughter and loving husband but I still grieve the baby I'll never meet.

Matushka Anna said...

Anon,
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Regardless of what some may think, yes, that was a human life and precious to God and to you. You have every right to grieve. Having those haunting feelings is normal - when I first posted and told everyone about Innocent he had already departed this life, I just didn't know it. That haunted me for a long time. It will get easier as time goes by. You won't stop missing him and the grief doesn't disappear, but it just becomes an easier load to carry. One day you will see your child again, that is certain. I know it's "not the same", but it will be joyous, however hard it is to imagine now. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

I had ivf treatment and at 7 weeks had scan and seen heartbeat. At 9 week scan no heartbeat and measured correct for gestation so heart had only just stopped. Miscarried at home and found my baby and have buried him. Im glad i did, even though others thought it was strange . He was my one baby, who i did hold, but not in way i imagined. This happened only 3 weeks ago.

Matushka Anna said...

Anon, I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't worry about what others think, you did the right thing. It will bring you peace in the future. Memory eternal!

Jennifer said...

Among searching the internet for pictures to prepare myself for what is to come, I was fortunate enough to find your website and am very grateful for it. I went in last week to have an ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby. I was 17 weeks 2 days. They told us that she was a little girl, but since this was just an imaging center and not a doctor, they couldn't tell us anything else. I knew though, as I looked at the moniter, frantically searching for a heartbeat, movement.... nothing. About an hour later, my midwife called and told me that the ultrasound tech had detected fetal demise. My husband and I are absolutely devestated, as are our living children ages 10 and 7.
I have decided to labor and deliver naturally at home and I've been trying to prepare myself for what is to come. I have decided to bury my baby girl, Ava !ay. I have purchased a biodegradle box to place her in and bury her with some flowers (forget me nots)
My doula plans to help me take footprints, handprints, and pictures. I would love to share them with you for all who needs to see when the time comes.

Jennifer said...

Ava May*

Matushka Anna said...

Oh, Jennifer, I'm so sorry. There's nothing to prepare you for that shock when it comes. It's like a bottomless pit. I'm glad you have time to prepare and that you found this site helpful. Feel free to email me at lostinnocentsorthodox at gmail dot com if you would like to share anything (or if you have any questions). You are blessed to have a doula who will be helping.

Anonymous said...

Hey Matushka,
After attending a friend's birth, I discovered a beautiful organization that does a magnificent job of photographing births/babies no matter how old. They do not charge for their services in the event of miscarriage or stillbirth. Don't know if you've heard of them or not, but just wanted to spread the word about them. https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, I do have links to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep on the resources page, etc. The babies generally must be 25 weeks gestation or more but it can be up to the discretion of the photographer. I think they provide an incredible service to grieving families.

Lauren said...

Thank you so much for putting this site together. I'm waiting on a miscarriage now actually. I'm 11 weeks and found out last week that the baby had no heartbeat and died at 8w1d. I'm hoping to miscarry naturally and to be able to recognize the baby so I can bury it with the dignity he/she deserves. Now I feel as though I know what to look for. Thank you again and God bless everyone going through this. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Matushka Anna said...

Lauren, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you will be able to peacefully deliver your baby so you can have that closure. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

I thought I was 9 weeks pregnant, however my ultrasound showed only a small sac, and blood tests told me that my hormone levels were dropping, I am devastated, as I have PCOS and have been trying for 11 years to have another baby, I have a miracle 12 year old girl, so I am blessed in this regard, but to loose this baby, words cannot explain how we all feel.
So far I have not miscarried, but my Dr. said he is not hopeful that my pregnancy will continue. I pray that all who go through this pain can be comforted by friends and loved ones as I have been. R.I.

Matushka Anna said...

R.I., I'm so sorry. There are no words to express the depth of the pain that that causes. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

R.I. here again, update to all... started bleeding and cramping yesterday, was hopeful that I would keep my baby, but does not look like it was meant to be... I feel so sick, I have pain in my lower back, like contractions, and the cramps are like the worst period ever. So far the bleeding is only light, but my stomach feels like it is being trampled by elephants. But this is nothing compared to the emotional pain I feel, to loose something so desperately wanted.... I am lucky to have a great support team, mum, hubby and daughter, friends and family... thank you all for your continued support. I know I am going to need it for a while yet..
xoxo to all going through this terrible pain....

Matushka Anna said...

R.I., I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this website, I stumbled upon it as I was reading the story of sweet baby Walter. I myself just lost my precious baby at 8 weeks (5weeks3days gestation) this has helped my grieving process as I was able to see something similar to what my angel looked like. I was able to birth my child at home, If I had only found this site sooner I would have been able to fully understand and know what to expect, I may have handled everything a little better. Still at this point (two weeks later) My heart aches. I will always remember my little angel. Thank you again

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, I'm so sorry for your loss. Of course your heart aches after only two weeks! Don't let anyone try to tell you not to grieve. In a way, you will grieve for the rest of your life although I promise things get easier. I'm glad you were able to deliver your baby at home. I wish it were that way for everyone. Many ((hugs)).

tebe2519 said...

I am glad that I found this page. I honestly wish I would have found it about an hour ago because I am pretty confident I just passed my little one about thirty minutes ago. My cramping became worst this morning and when I went to the restroom I heard a big plop in the toilet. It fell out as soon as I sat on the toilet. I was about 8 weeks pregnant. While I am thankful for my healthy boys that I already have, I am very saddened and hurt by this. I knew my baby was struggling to survive for about a week. His/her heartbeat was getting weaker and weaker. And then the bleeding finally began yesterday. Rest in peace my love

Matushka Anna said...

tebe, I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your website. It has been a comfort to me. I saw my baby's heartbeat when I thought I was 8 weeks pregnant, but the baby was only measuring 6 weeks. I went for another ultrasound two weeks later and no heartbeat. I decided to have a natural miscarriage at home and yesterday when I would have been 12 weeks it happened. I wish I would have found your site sooner because it was much more pain than I expected. I delivered my baby in the sac whole with the placenta attached. Once that happened the pain diminished substantially. My husband and I placed him in a box with a few items, a cross my pastor gave us, a copy of the Lord's Prayer, and a few trinkets I had since childhood. We read John 14: 1 - 6 and buried him in a flower garden. It was very important to me to be able to have him at home so it was very much worth the wait and the pain. If I had been more prepared I wouldn't have gotten so scared (it was NOTHING like menstrual cramps). I know I will see my baby again one day, and I picture him walking around in heaven holding my Dad's hand. Although I am still crying as I write this I feel like I can begin to heal now. I am praying for all women who have posted on this site and who come here because they are experiencing a miscarriage.

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree that it is worth the wait and pain to be able to deliver your child naturally and at home. Of course, not everyone is given this particular blessing, but a blessing it is, despite the pain and grief. May your baby's memory be eternal!

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for these children and the parents they left behind. I have several beautiful children now but can never forget my first daughter, whom I miscarried at 17 weeks. I was put in the abortion section of the outpatient surgery center, we were treated very coldly ("Forget about this. You're young. You'll have more children."), my husband was not allowed to be with me and nobody was there to comfort me as I sobbed. We were not allowed to have her little body. After all of this, nobody wanted to talk about it. We were just supposed to go on like nothing happened. Nearly 10 years later, I still cry when I think about her. I may not have known her on earth, but she was my daughter. Sadly, I was not allowed to grieve for her.

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, you are still allowed to grieve for her even now! Grief over the loss of a child is not something any of us "get over" and there are no time limits. We just learn to live through it and eventually some of the rough edges smooth out. I'm so sorry you had the poor experience you did. (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

I am 11 weeks pregnant and went through a period of contemplating terminating the pregnancy as the father and were both fearful of how we would financially support another child (as we both have one child each from previous relationships). Running across this site has completely saddened my heart for even considering that option when there are couples who are longing for a child and having to experience the pain of loosing them involuntary. May God bless you all and your precious angels

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, thank you so much for leaving this comment. While Lost Innocents is not an explicitly pr-life site, it is in essence because it shows the beauty of God's creation in even the tiniest detail of fingers and toes. May God bless you with this child!

Ami said...

Hi am new in this page so I lost my son 22 days after birth he had three heart attack he was born march12/13 n he past way April 2/13 my pragnacy is very good nothing problem I had healthy pragnacy , now am pragnant again am 11 week today so far everything is good but I dr suggest me amniocentesis test they book appointment for me oct 23 so I want to know its safe plz if any one done this test or any info plz help me am so secered I don't want lose my baby again..

Matushka Anna said...

Ami,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.

Regarding an amniocentesis, is there any compelling reason to have one? There is always a risk that you will lose the baby simply as a result of having the test. If there are any signs that anything may be amiss, you can have a focused ultrasound around 19-20 weeks that is very good for detecting any problems like heart or kidney anomalies, giving you plenty of time to prepare before birth.

I hope everything goes well with you and this baby.

Ami said...

Becz my son had tiny William syndrom

Matushka Anna said...

Even if this child has Williams syndrome too, it could probably be identified at a comprehensive ultrasound later in the pregnancy. To be honest, the reason the doctors are pushing you to have an amniocentesis is so you'll have time to abort the baby if he or she is diagnosed with some abnormality. There's really no other reason to risk losing this baby unless you're wanting to abort as early as possible. (I'm not ascribing this motive to you, by no means, just explaining the real reason behind all the pressure for early testing.) Given your history, the doctors feel that they have to check for every possible anomaly and do it as soon as possible because they feel they will be held liable if they don't at least offer the testing and you later (perhaps) have a child with some disorder. I didn't have any testing done (other than ultrasounds) with any of my children because we decided that all of our children were blessings and we'd take whatever we were blessed with.

Ami said...

Am very updat I don't know what I do

Matushka Anna said...

(((Hugs))) Ami.

Ami said...

Thank u soo much Anna (((( hug))))

Anonymous said...

I have just found your site after my husbands sister lost her little boy at 17 weeks. I really do feel for everyone that has lost. I am so lucky myself to have a beautiful baby boy and seeing this site makes me ever more thankful.
I wish all the ladies on here the strength love and support to get through such sad losses.
Never feel bad to grieve for the loss of your child no matter how small.
What a beautiful site to remember these beautiful little angels xx

Matushka Anna said...

Thank you, Anonymous. I'm so sorry for your SIL's loss.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this website with its pictures. I miscarried my first and only pregnancy 7 months ago. I was 11 weeks 5 days when I found out. I knew I had twins (identical) and that only one had a heartbeat on the 8 week scan. As on Ob/Gyn physician myself, I thought my one with a heartbeat would still be ok... after all, it had a heartbeat! Even though I never wanted twins, I did feel some loss when I heard one didn't have a heartbeat, but was grateful to still have one. Then I found out on Valentine's day that I had lost both (on my nuchal translucency scan). The hardest part was going back to the office and caring for pregnant patients after I had found out.
Despite it being 7 months, I still find it hard to deal with, especially since I haven't been able to get pregnant again yet, and have no other children. I will say it has felt therapeutic reading through other's experiences. Thank you again, for creating this site.

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your babies. I used to work in GYN but that was before my own losses. I always wondered how I would manage to go back if I had still been working there. I'm sure this was a particular pain for you.

It was 14-15 months after my second loss before I was able to conceive again, despite trying very hard. Don't despair yet. I hope and pray you will have living children.

Anonymous said...

I have never personally suffered a miscarriage, but my sister has suffered several and a dear friend of mine has also endured the loss of one of her babies. My heart breaks for all those who have felt this loss. The pictures on this site are so beautiful, though I admit they are hard to look at because of the pain that I know is represented in each photo. Id I was not already 100% pro-life, I certainly would be after seeing these photographs. You are doing an amazingly wonderful thing through this blog, and I applaud you.

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, thank you. I appreciate your words. :)

Anonymous said...

Im so sorry your little angels went to heaven right away, but they brought you guys happiness mean while, and for us women, a mom.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for everyone who lost his/her baby. God will bless the baby in heaven. hope the baby become angel

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a child. I thank you deeply though for sharing these pictures and sharing your strength. You are all incredibly strong to be able to do so and I am sure that your stories help many women.

In my case it is helpful, I have never miscarried but the photos are very helpful in understanding child development at different stages of pregnancy. To see how children develop and study anatomy. The stories are heartbreaking but also wonderful. To see how you cope. And learn how to assist women who have suffered in similar ways, what to say and what not to say. As an EMT I sometimes have to try and console women who may have had miscarriages or have had them.

I just wanted to thank you all for being so strong, and helping people by sharing your stories.

Matushka Anna said...

Thank you, anonymous (EMT), for writing. It is very kind of you to want to be more empathetic to women suffering the loss of a baby. ((hugs))

Mary said...

Dear Matushka Anna, I am an Orthodox Christian living in Southern California. We found out on Thanksgiving weekend that we were pregnant with our second child. Last week at 7 weeks 6days, we went in for first checkup and ultrasound. My (wonderful and sensitive!) OB gently explained that baby was only measuring 5weeks 5days. She said to say our prayers and hope for the best, but also to prepare myself for what was likely to come. Today, on Christmas Day, I miscarried the precious baby. I was thankfully at home. We have named the baby Innocent as this week we remember the Holy Innocents slaughtered by Herod. So long as all goes well at the doctors,we plan to go to St. Barbara's Monastery in Santa Paula this weekend to bury the baby. The nuns have reserved a special area of their cemetery for miscarried and stillborn babies. I don't know if you are in contact with them or have shared that information on your blog, but I am so comforted to know that we have such a special and holy place to lay the baby to rest. My heart is heavy and my eyes are wet with tears. Still, I am thankful for our short time with this sweet blessing and the love I feel for the child. Please pray for me and the child, who shares our Savior's birthday! Thank you for the information you so lovingly share here. It is such a refreshing contrast from the harsh "medical" reality of what has taken place.

Matushka Anna said...

Mary, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. Even though Innocent is no longer with us, he or she is alive in Christ and celebrating Christmas with the heavenly host! I know it is a comfort to be able to lay Innocent's body to rest in such a blessed place with the prayers of the nuns. May God comfort you in your sorrow and bring you peace. And may Innocent's memory be eternal! ((hugs))

Tash said...

at the age of 16.. i became pregnant, i remembered when my older sis got pregnant at age 17 my parents were sooo mad and called her stupid and told her she had ruined her life and that her baby would suffer eternity for them having her at such a young age... believe it or not my parents are pro life.. oO my boyfriend who was the father of my unborn baby was 23 and was scared of my army dad and i was too i was happy to be pregnant but the thought of my parents sending him to jail and ridiculing me and in turn THEM ruining my life..as my boyfriend pointed out, i was frightened to have the baby and had an abortion.. i was told it wasnt a baby yet and i didnt know then that it was a human form i was 12 weeks..... unbelieveable and that haunts me.. i had two lovly children years later with a different man.. a more mature one... in fact the first live birth child was when i was married to my first boyfriend and he wanted me to abort again.. but the 2nd man stood up and told my husband no and took me baby shopping alot.. making it impossible for me to consider abortion... i got divorced and married the second man and then had a boy and later a girl.. we always knew we wanted more children but neeeded those two (16 months apart, almost like twins) to get out of diapers and become more independant. now those two are 7 and 6. in oct 2012 we decided it was time and removed mirena.. got pregnant in january 2013 and misscarried febuary 1st 2013.. i watched the blood and even searched through it trying to find my baby but i found nothing.. i was likely 4 weeks which is 2 weeks conception.. would i have found anything? it hurt more then a period, even that early.. very painful and i cried. finalllllly i found out november 28th 2013 i am pregnant again and now after two ultrasounds and loads of video clips and pictures.. baby is 9 weeks 2 days today. and healthy! (husband bought me an excellent heart monitor for home use... that helps ease my concerns and makes me not torment the doctors asking for daily check ups ;) im sooo excited! and scared.. im not sure i could endure what others have on this site.. but i do know what would be expected.. and as for my parents.. they still freak out when i tell them im pregnant and now i throw pictures of aborted babies in their face and ask if THAT is their wish for their grandchild... they quickly shut their mouths ;) looking at this pictures has really help me bond with my current baby in a special way! THANK YOU! ps... i cry over my babies but dont feel im allowing myself to believe in a loss.. almost like i feel their little invisible fairy angels that are around me always.. like i never let them go..... and i just dont talk about it... my husband didnt handle the miscarriage very well at all and this time he is VERY over protective of me. -tash

Matushka Anna said...

Tash, I'm so sorry for your losses, both of them. :( At four weeks you almost certainly wouldn't have been able to find anything recognizable because of everything being so small, so don't torment yourself with it.

I hope this pregnancy goes well for you and your family!

Anonymous said...

I had wondered that most people don't seem to talk much about. How do you bury these children? Can you bury them at cemetery? Is it legal to bury them in your yard? How do you handle this part of the traumatic situation?

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, check out this page: http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/practical-q-and-a.html

Elizabeth Ministry said...

I tried to find a way to email you directly, but couldn't. I am writing to request permission to use some of your photographs of miscarried babies in a training of clergy and church workers about miscarriage. Would that be alright? Please email me at founders@elizabethministry.com or call me at 920-766-9380. Thank you.

Matushka Anna said...

Elizabeth Ministry, I'll send you an email. (If anyone else is wanting to contact me directly the email is lostinnocentsorthodox (at)gmail (dot) com)

Anonymous said...

Iam so glad to have come across this 9 years ago i was pergenet with my 3 child everything was fine went in for my 12 week chakup and the babys hart beat stiped at8 weeks...i was so devastaated i went home and cried and cried within a week i had my baby i went to the bathroom thanking it was that i had to have a boul but it was the baby i was in shok that i flushed tge tolet and passed out wajeing up in the er i was told i had passed the baby tell this day i wish i could have got the baby and wasint scard....im 16 +5. Pergnet abd everthing is going well think you so much for haveing this site i now know wgat my lil angel looked liked....

Matushka Anna said...

Anonymous, I hope everything goes well with this baby!

Anonymous said...

Jenifer iam so sorry for your loss ..i had a stillbirth baby also iam a 16 yr old teen i was expecting a babygirl who we named genesis i was so excited to have her in my arms everything was going just fine i tend to blame my self bc idid not know i was in labor doctor said the placenta tore away from the utuers and she suffocated.the pain ifelt when i was told there was no heartbeat i felt like it wasnt true i was in denial untill i saw her on the ultrasound and i was 4cm dialated well i gave birth to her and to have her in my arms was so hard but beutifull at the same time..this happend on 10/07/13 her weight was 5 lbs nd.10 oz 19.1/2 inches long at 35 weeks she was perfect..iam now pregnant again and iam scared this will happen again so i read stillbirth tends to hapen. 2 even3 times so i just put my baby in gods hands

Anonymous said...

The living child cannot ever replace the one you lost. My grandmother who died in 1969 still spoke of the twin she lost. She said you never get over grieving for a lost child. That great and powerful love that God has instilled in us for our children has no time limit and it is insensitive in the extreme for people to say things like this to you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Our youth pastors lost a full term baby boy who died in the womb and they still have no explanation for why. She now has a lovely baby girl but still, her heart aches for Andrew. I have not lost a child personally, but our whole church grieved for Andrew. I have seen more clearly the heart of the Creator through the depths of love for our children and understand more deeply the sacrifice of His own son. Please know that there are people out here that respect your grief and although not all of us can understand, still we care.

Anonymous said...

Your story is very touching. Just remember he is waiting for u on the gates of Paradise. Stay strong

Apos D said...

These stories are very sad and touching. May God bless you all. With love and good blessing :) dj

Jenna Olson-Dahl said...

I recently (4 days ago...) lost my son. His name is Arthur Daniel, I delivered him at 21 weeks but found out he died around 16 weeks. He was my third child. To me is very much a baby, he is my baby...I don't talk about him as "he was my baby" I talk about him as "he is my baby"...because even though he died, when he died he took apart of me with him. My family and I decided that we don't want to have a funeral...instead my husband and I decided we want to memorialize him, and remember the short time we had with him. We are going to plant an apple tree at my grandmothers house in his honor, so that in a way...he will always be with us. I've never felt loss like I did when I found out his heart wasn't beating, I felt like a part of me died...I think about him everyday, and I will continue to until the end. I lost my child, but I know he is in a good place and I tell my other kids (my son is 6 and my daughter is 5) that their brother is their guardian angel, and that he is watching down on us from heaven. I am so sorry to all the other families that have gone through this...and to people that don't understand...they never will until something like this happens and truly opens your eyes to see that anything can happen.

Anonymous said...

I was so happy to find this website! I was so blessed to be able to give birth to 6 healthy children, but I also had 5 miscarriages. One of the miscarriages, I was about 10 and a half weeks along, and found out my HcG levels were dropping, and had been bleeding for a few days and that a miscarriage was inevitable. We had planned a trip to visit my parents, out of state, and I decided what better place to go to receive support! Little did I know, my campiness would begin to feel like labor pains along the 12 hour car trip, and in a gas station restroom, I delivered a placenta with a bubble looking thing in the center that was about a 4 inch circle. I looked at it, could not see through the sac, always wondered about if that REALLY COULD have been the baby's "home" inside had I looked, more closely, but just flushed it down the toilet! As soon as my body delivered this, my contractions stopped! "Amber's Story's" photo LOOKS very similar and sounds very similar to my experience, and I have been "googling" and searching for around 11 years, now! A mother NEVER forgets her child! Thank you for ALL those who have posted their heartfelt stories, and God Bless EACH of you!

Anonymous said...

June 8 2007 I had just moved in to my new place doing most of the moving and lifting my self. The following week I started having bad pains just figured I hurt my self in the move. I never knew I was pregnant my periods were never normal they came and went as they please. June 18 2007 I went to the ER, the pain was worse to the point I couldn't walk. I remember the first time I seen my son I fell in love! He had a strong heart beat and was moving so much I cried with joy. The Dr sent me home on bed rest and an appointment. With an ob in 2 weeks but sadly I never made it. June 27 2007 I started bleeding heavily was rush back to the ER, on the way there the EMS delivered my son. He was born at 17 weeks. I have 3 beautiful children now each one a rainbow baby. My heart breaks for the ones I lost early on but it hurts even more for my son

Anonymous said...

February, April and June of 2012 I miscarried. First one was at 5 then 7 then 8 weeks. I never really looked for anything. I guess I didn't realize that I could find something. That was the hardest 6 months of my life. The next year I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant again. Only to find out that the baby's heart stopped at 5 week's (I would have been 11 weeks). Since the baby didn't pass I had to have a D&C. And that is when I found out it was actually a complete molar pregnancy.
I am thankful though that we do have a beautiful daughter. She was born before all this.

Anonymous said...

I gave birth to a healthy baby girl last May 8, 2014 at exactly 7:46am via C-section. She cried out loud after she was taken from my system. She was on her 38th week of gestation and we opted for a elective CS due to my CPD. She was indeed a very healty girl with an APGAR score of 8-9, she cried and then sneezed which made my OB smile bc she knew that my baby was a healthy kid. My husband was so happy when he saw our baby and said that she's the most beautiful baby on Earth. She weighed 2.8 kg and woth the length of 52cm. A view of a perfect child. After I got back to my room from the recovery room, my husband pleaded for he nurse to bring our baby in my room but the nurse said that it wasn't allowed. I felt something strange. I know my baby was ok but still there was a diff feeling inside me. Then 4pm came and my in-laws and mom came to the hospital and were so happy to see my healthy baby girl inside the nursery room. Then 5:30 pm came and the pedia dr told us that the baby started to change status, she was somewhat not in a good condition anymore. 7pm came, scheduled viewing time for the babies, but to our surprise the curtain of the nursery was still closed. It somehow showed that something was going on inside the room which thw staff doesn't want us to see. To my surprise the pedia called me and said that my baby was placed inside the incubator and loaded with lots of IVF. I started crying, it came to me that I will lose my child. It was so painful. At 10 pm they said that my baby has a cardiac underdevelopment, which I know for sure wasn't true bc if that was true it shoud have shown during her first breathe of life, and they never performed any cardiac tests to prove that my baby has a heary problem. They can't fool me bc I'm a nurse, but then the pedia said that it was he truth. I know for sure that what happened to my precious one was septecemia or sepsis, but they denied. My baby died at 1:30am, almost 18hrs after she was born. !y poor baby, I never got the chance to carry her while she was still alive, they never allowed her near me. I saw her lifeless, lying on a cold table inside the nursery. We insisted taht we dont believe that my baby died of cardiac problem but rather infection due to their carelessness, but he pedia just said that if I want to I can opt for an autopsy which I thought was so much for my angel. A baby so small and fragile be cut open, no way. Too much of suffering for her. Though I know that if I had consented for an autopsy, the criminal must have been in jail right now, but I just said that God will serve the best justice for my baby. It still hurts. Each and every day I kept on thinking about her. I am thanking God because I still have my eldest with me, who gives me so much joy. But still, there is an empty space in my heart. It's as if a part of me left my body and buried with my baby, a part of me that left me and baby brought with her when she left us. I love her. This is the most painful thing a person cpuld ever encounter. The pain that doesn't fade, the pain that is persistent thru days.