Photographs

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. --Genesis 1:27

It can be worrisome thinking about retrieving your baby for burial. One of the problems is knowing what you're looking for. If your baby is sixteen weeks gestation then there's no problem recognizing him. It's a different story if you're six weeks. Looking on the internet for photographs to aid you is a sticky business because you're likely to come across things you'd rather not have seen. Initially I culled the internet for some photographs of babies at each week gestation, but since then women have volunteered photos of their children for me to replace the "stock photos". I have included sizes if the baby is not in a recognizable context, such as in a parent's hand. A heartfelt "thank you" to all of the women who have graciously allowed me to post photographs of their babies. [If you have natural photographs of your baby and would be willing to include them on this page, I would be grateful to hear from you.]

[Important note on recognizing the baby: Depending on how long it has been since the baby died, you may notice that the baby is smaller than you would expect for the age he/she was at death. Their size shrinks over time and so a baby who grew for eight weeks may only appear to be six to seven weeks at the time of delivery (or if another ultrasound is performed). This can be confusing to you. If, in fact, your baby died at six weeks but it is another few weeks before you deliver, you may not be able to see anything at all by the time you complete the miscarriage. Don't feel that your baby never existed. As difficult as it is to experience, if you were pregnant, then you had a baby and you are that baby's parent forever. 

In addition, depending on the time elapsed between death and delivery, you may see something different in terms of the sac. Usually the amount of amniotic fluid decreases over time so depending on how much there was to start with, you may or may not see a nice, full "bubble". In addition (and this is important), the uterus will form a clot around the sac/baby as time goes on. This means that you may deliver the baby in the sac very obviously, or you may deliver a sac with a clot attached, or you may deliver what appears to be a large clot or placenta but which is actually the sac enclosed in a clot. Especially if you feel as though you are completing the miscarriage but haven't seen the sac, check inside the large clots. This sounds gross, but it will feel a little different when you are looking for your baby. The clot will be on the sac, not the baby (all things being equal) so you will still be able to remove the baby from the sac if you so desire. When my first son was born his sac had a large clot attached. It covered about 1/3 of the surface. When my second son was born there was no clot attached at all.]

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Four Weeks (Four weeks gestation is counting from your last menstrual period and is about the earliest most people realize they're pregnant. All dates are given from LMP.)


At this stage you may not recognize the baby for what it is. You may see a very small whitish or greyish piece of tissue, possibly with a cord attached, probably in a small fluid-filled sac. You will also probably have heavy bleeding with clots. It can be difficult to retrieve the baby at this stage.

Four Weeks: 1/8 inch long (source)
  

Five Weeks

           Sara's baby, Simsim, approximately five weeks

A very generous reader has shared photographs of her miscarried baby. Sara was about five weeks when she began cramping and bleeding. The next day she passed a small amount of tissue which her doctor had told her would be the baby. Since most people who miscarry will do so by six weeks it is very helpful to have photographs such as these.


What you are seeing is not only the baby, but the umbilical cord as well.





           Sandra's baby (a 'blighted ovum') delivered sac and placenta but baby not visible
                                                                                                                             [story]




           
           A's baby (5 weeks, 1 day; delivered at 11 weeks, 2 days)

Note that A's baby was delivered a full six weeks after she miscarried. By this point, and considering how early the baby died, it would be extremely difficult to identify the baby, etc.




(shown with Sudafed tablet for scale)





           My baby, Demetrius (5 weeks, 5 days; delivered at 9 weeks)




The substantial white "tail" is actually the umbilical cord.





And the photograph below is a textbook photo so you can see the detail:

Five weeks, 2 days: (source)


Six Weeks

             Jennifer's baby, Journey (approximately 6 weeks, miscarried at 10 weeks)

Notice the similarity to Sara's baby Simsim, pictured above at about 5 weeks. Journey is still in the sac and attached to the placenta. I am assuming that the placenta kept growing for a while after the baby stopped developing, explaining the size.

 


And the photograph below is a textbook photo so you can see the detail:

approximately 0.5 cm (source)

            Thea's twins: The Ehlowa Twins (6 weeks, delivered at 10.5 weeks) [story]


"After ripping open the gestational sac the two amniotic sacs came into better view.  The sacs were very close together before I spread them apart to take the photo.  The tiny babies are inside the sacs, one just above the 10 and 1/4 inch mark and the other just above the 11 inch mark."


"Here are the amniotic sacs after I freed them from the gestational sac/placenta."



[There are a few more photos on the Actual Process page that show the large clot containing the sacs before and after Thea opened it.]


Seven Weeks 

            Sara's baby (7 weeks, 2 days)

 
 

 

            Amber's baby: "Our Angel Baby" (7 weeks, 4 days, delivered at 11 weeks, 5 days) [story]

(This baby looks developmentally closer to 6 weeks than 7.5 weeks.)

           Zara's baby: Joey (between 6 and 8 weeks) 

There is confusion surrounding the actual age of Joey. At 8 weeks he measured 5 weeks, 6 days and was delivered at 10 weeks 5 days. However, while developmentally he looks 6 weeks gestation, he is much bigger in size.




            Evon's baby: Daniel (between 7 and 8 weeks)

(labeling provided by Evon)

            Mary's baby, Riley Jae (7 weeks, 5 days; delivered at 10 weeks)
 
"My baby Riley Jae  was sent to us by God. God came to me in a dream the night after Riley Jae was born. His heart stopped at 7w 5d. he was born at 10 weeks.  He is now our Angel in heaven. God came and say, Riley was given to you for 3 purposes. 1-to help those who see my creations as "Tissue" to open their eyes to the true being. 2-to help grieving parents of early loss who never got to say goodbye, and to show those who will/are going through losing a child what they could expect. 3- to show "God" is real, and to spread the amazing creation's you all came to be, through me. Please share Riley's Photo to everyone you know. Please spread the word, please help fill Riley's purpose of being given to us, to the world. November 23rd 2014."










            Melissa's baby, Baby Jade (7 weeks, 6 days; delivered at 12 weeks) [story]


(Labeling provided by Melissa)
              Leonie's baby (7 weeks, 5 days) [story]



1.5 cm long

Eight Weeks

              Bethany's baby, Blessing



           Lisanne's baby, Shiloh Rune [Story]

Shiloh is in the middle of the photograph inside the sac, right on the edge.

Next to the sac


            Sarah's baby, Grace (8 weeks, born at 9 weeks,1 day)




Nine Weeks 

            Brittany's baby, Sprout (9 weeks, 1 day) [story]







            Valerie's baby, Little One (9 weeks, 4 days) [story]




            
              Candy's baby, Kendall (9 weeks, 5 days) [story]






Ten Weeks 

          Shelley's baby, Mason


          Ivy's baby, Bliss
                    Baby Bliss died at 10 weeks (per ultrasound) and was born 4 weeks later at home.
                    The baby was in the sac inside this clot (which also contains at least a portion of the 
                    placenta). 



         Tabitha's baby Angel
                    Baby Angel died at approximately 10 weeks and was born spontaneously at 10 weeks 4 
                    days. Tabitha delivered him in the sac in the hospital while giving a urine sample. She 
                    cut the cord and opened the sac herself and used her clothing for a blanket for him.






         Jillian's baby, Ever Elliot (10 weeks) [story]





            Eve's baby, Dani (10 weeks, 3 days) [story]





         Rebecca's baby: August (10 weeks, 4 days)


          Inga's baby: Angel (10 weeks, 4 days) [story]



Eleven Weeks

         My baby, Gabriel (He died at 10 weeks, 6 days)

Still in the sac

In the sac, but after most of the amniotic fluid had been released

Just out of the sac


You can see details better when tiny babies are in water.

(slight distortion from the glass jar wall)

Perfect feet with all tiny toes.
           

 Faith's baby, John David (10 weeks, 6 days) [story]
 







          Xochitl's baby, Angel (11 weeks, 5 days) [story]




           Crystal's baby, Amos (11 weeks, 5 days; delivered at 14 weeks, 1 day)







           Eliane's baby, Noah

(Noah looks closer to 13 weeks leading me to think that he was 11 weeks from conception, not LMP)




Twelve Weeks

            Lori's twin babies, Ethan (11 weeks, 3 days) and Jonathan (12 weeks, 3 days) [story]







            My baby, Andrew [story]. He was 13 weeks but appeared closer to 12.


9 cm, 1 ounce

            My baby, Innocent [story]. He was 12 weeks 5 days.




 Thirteen Weeks

           Amanda's baby, Rowan

approximately 7 cm


             Amelia's baby, Isaiah







Fourteen Weeks

             Dawn's baby, David (reported to have died at 14 weeks, delivered at 16 weeks, but much larger than the typical 14 week baby)





Fifteen Weeks

            Amelia's baby, Micah


(Micah's legs are resting on his belly; you can see the stump of his cord in the middle.)






Sixteen Weeks

         Diana's baby, Owen (16 weeks, 3 days)



               Jennifer's baby, Ava May (approx 16weeks but may be younger)

4.5 in or 12 cm



A view of Ava still in the sac with the placenta behind.



Seventeen Weeks 

                Morgan's baby, Emerson (17 weeks, 3 days): "Induced after we found out his heart had stopped within the previous 24 hours. He was born with his cord wrapped three times around his neck."

160g (5.6 oz) , roughly 9" long

                  Jamie's baby, Gabriel (17 weeks, 4 days)








[I do not have permission to post these pictures, but there is a lovely series of photographs of Gene and Melodie's son, Caleb at this link. They have graciously allowed me to link back to them.]


Eighteen Weeks

           Diana's baby, Sophia (17 weeks, 5 days)




            Natasha's baby, Jeremiah







Nineteen Weeks

              Amanda's baby, Levi





          Lexi's baby, Walter




(more photos of Walter here)


Twenty-One Weeks

         Makayla's baby, Joshua (21 weeks, 3 days) [story]






Twenty-Four Weeks

         Brittany's baby, Marshall (24 weeks)









Thirty Weeks

                  Melissa's baby, Calypso (29 weeks, 5 days) (Note: Calypso was born alive and lived for 23 days before entering Heaven.)


13 inches, 3 lbs, 1.9 oz






Thirty-three Weeks

               Trish's baby, Evelyn [story]





Thirty-six Weeks

            Dawn's baby, Hannah Grace




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**Please note that these photographs are of people's children, no matter how small. If you wish to use one of these photos for any reason, please contact me or the originator of the photograph (always linked) before you do. I have had many requests to repost photos of Innocent and others and I have no problem with that if they are not used in an exploitative way or for someone's profit. But do please ask first because it can cause a lot of pain for a parent to come across their child's photo when they are not prepared for it. In addition, I unfortunately have had to add watermarks. This does not mean that I am claiming that I personally took all of these photos. This is saying that all of the photographs on this site have been used with permission (usually at the request of the parent) and I don't want them to be stolen and used for any other purpose. Thank you.**

Here are some sites that have parent-submitted photographs of still-born and miscarried babies. The majority are later gestation but there are a few earlier gestation. These sites generally feature portrait type photographs.

Missing Angel Foundation (This site is primarily of later gestation to full-term babies.)
Stillborn Angels (This site has a few more early gestation babies.)
Stillbirthday (This page has been recently created and has babies classified by gestational age, similar to this page)

[Additional note: There are frequent visitors from pages containing arguments that an X week baby does not look like a baby (and therefore is fine to kill). Look at this logically: We all start from two cells. How can two cells look like a three month old? Those cells divide and divide etc. and eventually you can see the beginning of eyes and arm and leg buds (not to mention the complex workings inside). The ad hominem argument that is most frequently used is this: "Such and such model of a tiny baby doesn't look exactly like the real thing therefore all pre-born babies are fine to kill." Because the nose on a silicone model, used to give people the idea of what a baby at X weeks looks like, is slightly more prominent than on the actual baby doesn't mean the entire model is a figment of someone's imagination. If anyone has any doubt about what an 8 or 10 or 12 week baby looks like, you need only look at the photographs above. If you're trying to convey this information to someone else, I ask that you please do not copy the photograph, just link back to this page. Thank you.]

196 comments:

  1. I had twins. I lost one at 7weeks. I try not to talk about it because of the reactions I get. One: "Focus on the living child." Two: "How far along were you?" Three: "At least you didnt have to bury your baby." All of these make me angry. It doesnt matter how far along I was. He(I am convinced the other twin was a boy) was still my baby. He was a plan, no accident here. He was an AI baby. I planned for him. I wanted him. And I would've given anything to touch my baby boy. To have a picture. A burial. I feel robbed. Even after he passed, I had to carry him. His sister, now 4yrs old, carried on. She is the light of my life, but not a day goes by that I dont think of him. I had to watch him slowly fade, until he finally came out. It was a blood bath and very traumatic. All I wanted was to bury my son. He was in pieces. I never got to say goodbye. I keep all of this bottled up inside bc no one understands. This site is a blessing. I am crying as I write, but I know that someone out there knows how I feel. I dont want anyone to try and make me feel better. I just wanna be able to talk about him. His name was Corbin Tyler. The twins' room was unisex. Pooh and Friends. I bought matching Pooh bears for them. I still have his in a box. I heard his heart beat. I talked to him everyday. I rubbed him everyday. I am so thankful his sister survived. I wonder how they would play together. I daydream about it all the time. I try and picture him sitting on the floor with her. All I wanted was to say goodbye.

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    Replies
    1. The living child cannot ever replace the one you lost. My grandmother who died in 1969 still spoke of the twin she lost. She said you never get over grieving for a lost child. That great and powerful love that God has instilled in us for our children has no time limit and it is insensitive in the extreme for people to say things like this to you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Our youth pastors lost a full term baby boy who died in the womb and they still have no explanation for why. She now has a lovely baby girl but still, her heart aches for Andrew. I have not lost a child personally, but our whole church grieved for Andrew. I have seen more clearly the heart of the Creator through the depths of love for our children and understand more deeply the sacrifice of His own son. Please know that there are people out here that respect your grief and although not all of us can understand, still we care.

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    2. Your story is very touching. Just remember he is waiting for u on the gates of Paradise. Stay strong

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    3. It happened to me too. .I lost one of the twins at 10 weeks. .It was so sad and traumatizing,i was scared as the doctors told me to hope for the best and there is nothing they could do at this point. .I am still thinking about my angel looking at his sister who is now 17 month

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    4. Hi anon
      I am 15 weeks. we just found out 3 days ago our precious baby A has passed. We do not know the gender of either baby. I am really struggling because I have to carry my baby still possibly all the way through.
      I am a wreck. I feel your pain. I cry all tthe time for our lil bean

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    5. I too lost one twin and don't know what sex he/she was. Baby B was born pulseless but was able to be revived. He grew into a handsome young man to the age of 27yo and then took his life. He battled depression and drug and alcohol addiction as an adult and although we never mentioned his twin to him,he would comment sometimes that he felt like a part of him was missing. It wasn't until after his death in 2005 that I started to realize that maybe what he was missing was his twin. No, we never get over losing a child whether it's inside the womb or afterwards. My love to you and may God continue to give you strength.

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    6. I am so sorry to hear what you went through. While I have not been in that situation, I did lose my first baby at 6 weeks (didn't find out until my 12 week ultrasound, and miscarried a further 2 weeks after that). After my loss a friend told me a scientific fact which has given me a lot of comfort, and I hope it gives others comfort as well:
      "When you conceive the baby releases some of it's stem cells into your circulation, They are immortal and stay in you forever. The scientist who studies them think that these cells are there to help keep you healthy. So even though your baby is not here, they are literally a part if you forever, helping you be the best you can be".

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  2. Anon., I'm very sorry for your loss. No matter how happy you are that your daughter is alive, you still have a right to grieve for your son. I think that people not understanding that fact is a very common problem. May Corbin Tyler's memory be eternal!

    (In case you or anyone reading this would find this helpful, this is a site to help people through the loss of one twin: http://www.climb-support.org/index.html?onetwin)

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  3. I am so grateful to have found this site. I just found out yesterday that my baby's heart stopped beating at 11 weeks 1 day. I would be 11 weeks 5 days today. I am devastated, but I thought seeing a picture of what my baby should look like right now might help me in this process as I grieve. My heart and love go out to everyone that has gone through this or will go through this. I continue to believe that God is good and lean on His comfort, peace and strength.

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  4. Olivia, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May God comfort you and give you peace. I'm glad this site has been helpful. If you need information you do not see on here or need to talk, you can email me at lostinnocentsorthodox@gmail.com.

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  5. Thank you for sharing your little angels with us. I am excited I am pregnant 16 weeks and seeing how formed my baby is in real form makes me appreciate the life inside of me that much more. I am sorry for everyone that has lost a baby but just know that you now have to live for you, your family and this lil precious life. Everything will be ok. People love and pray for you even though you don't know them. God Bless everyone.

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  6. I miscarried at 8wks in 2007, our son Marcos was stillborn at 34 weeks on May 13, 2011, our daughter Aubree was stillborn at 34 weeks on October 23, 2012. I've never been so hurt in my life, my husband and I have no living children. :( Nothing will ever be the same. I don't know what questions to ask the docs, I'm not sure if I even want to try to have another, I know if I do, that child won't ever replace my baby angels!! :( A persons a person, no matter how small!

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    1. Jenifer iam so sorry for your loss ..i had a stillbirth baby also iam a 16 yr old teen i was expecting a babygirl who we named genesis i was so excited to have her in my arms everything was going just fine i tend to blame my self bc idid not know i was in labor doctor said the placenta tore away from the utuers and she suffocated.the pain ifelt when i was told there was no heartbeat i felt like it wasnt true i was in denial untill i saw her on the ultrasound and i was 4cm dialated well i gave birth to her and to have her in my arms was so hard but beutifull at the same time..this happend on 10/07/13 her weight was 5 lbs nd.10 oz 19.1/2 inches long at 35 weeks she was perfect..iam now pregnant again and iam scared this will happen again so i read stillbirth tends to hapen. 2 even3 times so i just put my baby in gods hands

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    2. Jenifer, I have had three miscarriages. For some reason there is not an understanding from anyone but my husband. The strength and maturity that these situations has brought to our marriage has been so valuable. I hope that you can find that same strength. I am currently grieving the baby we lost this week at 13 weeks. Same time as last year (almost) that we lost at 16 weeks. Nothing will ever be the same....I agree.....Last year when I lost our baby girl, I thought about it every single day. Feeling like and wondering what I had done. This time I was prepared and sure enough it happened again. . .

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    3. I had miscarriage last year in July at 12 weeks a boy and 7 months on I found out I pregnant again but only made it 4 weeks lost baby again still got positive test

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  7. Jennifer,

    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your children. Especially to have experienced the loss of Marcos, then to lose Aubree at the same gestation the next year. You have a lovely website in their honor. Please do contact me via email. (lostinnocentsorthodox@gmail.com)

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  8. My son was born at 28 weeks. Three pounds. Lots if problems the first year, some learning delays in the early years. He is 23 now, healthy, not quite 6 feet. Looking at these pictures wows me. It could have ended very different.

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  9. Thank you so much for this site. I just found I had my first miscarriage, I was only about 4 weeks along, possibly less, I didn't even know I was pregnant and thought I was experiencing a late period. I'm certain I passed my baby early in what I thought was my "period", so I didn't get to see him or touch him. I know it was such an early loss that some wouldn't deem it really a loss, but I am still shocked when I realize I first knew for certain I was pregnant when my baby was already dead. I'm haunted by feeling that I shouldn't grieve so young a death, that no one would really consider it a death anyway. Yet I'm also haunted by wondering where my baby is now and why I'll never meet him? Thank you for helping me believe what I know: that my grieving is right and my baby is precious. I have a beautiful daughter and loving husband but I still grieve the baby I'll never meet.

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    1. You will meet your baby in the next life. I have lost 15 babies and until number 6 I didn't know I would ever meet them. I prayed for answers and learned that they are mine forever but will be raised in a future and better time. I know this is true. Lds.or has much helpful information about how to make your family last forever not just until death.

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    2. Sorry to hear of losses I have also lost 3. In 4 to 8 weeks.yah these little angels are ours forever God has the power over them.they are souls still with God. And they wil be resurrected on resurrection day when all mankind will be. And they will be send into heaven as young youths.and if we are good and do good works in our life and are believers in God his angels his books his prophets and the life hereafter.Then we go to heaven too and can meet our these little angels there as youths thpugh we ourselves will be youths there forever. AMEEN

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  10. Anon,
    I'm so very sorry for your loss. Regardless of what some may think, yes, that was a human life and precious to God and to you. You have every right to grieve. Having those haunting feelings is normal - when I first posted and told everyone about Innocent he had already departed this life, I just didn't know it. That haunted me for a long time. It will get easier as time goes by. You won't stop missing him and the grief doesn't disappear, but it just becomes an easier load to carry. One day you will see your child again, that is certain. I know it's "not the same", but it will be joyous, however hard it is to imagine now. ((hugs))

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  11. I had ivf treatment and at 7 weeks had scan and seen heartbeat. At 9 week scan no heartbeat and measured correct for gestation so heart had only just stopped. Miscarried at home and found my baby and have buried him. Im glad i did, even though others thought it was strange . He was my one baby, who i did hold, but not in way i imagined. This happened only 3 weeks ago.

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  12. Anon, I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't worry about what others think, you did the right thing. It will bring you peace in the future. Memory eternal!

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  13. Among searching the internet for pictures to prepare myself for what is to come, I was fortunate enough to find your website and am very grateful for it. I went in last week to have an ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby. I was 17 weeks 2 days. They told us that she was a little girl, but since this was just an imaging center and not a doctor, they couldn't tell us anything else. I knew though, as I looked at the moniter, frantically searching for a heartbeat, movement.... nothing. About an hour later, my midwife called and told me that the ultrasound tech had detected fetal demise. My husband and I are absolutely devestated, as are our living children ages 10 and 7.
    I have decided to labor and deliver naturally at home and I've been trying to prepare myself for what is to come. I have decided to bury my baby girl, Ava !ay. I have purchased a biodegradle box to place her in and bury her with some flowers (forget me nots)
    My doula plans to help me take footprints, handprints, and pictures. I would love to share them with you for all who needs to see when the time comes.

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  14. Oh, Jennifer, I'm so sorry. There's nothing to prepare you for that shock when it comes. It's like a bottomless pit. I'm glad you have time to prepare and that you found this site helpful. Feel free to email me at lostinnocentsorthodox at gmail dot com if you would like to share anything (or if you have any questions). You are blessed to have a doula who will be helping.

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  15. Hey Matushka,
    After attending a friend's birth, I discovered a beautiful organization that does a magnificent job of photographing births/babies no matter how old. They do not charge for their services in the event of miscarriage or stillbirth. Don't know if you've heard of them or not, but just wanted to spread the word about them. https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

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  16. Anonymous, I do have links to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep on the resources page, etc. The babies generally must be 25 weeks gestation or more but it can be up to the discretion of the photographer. I think they provide an incredible service to grieving families.

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  17. Thank you so much for putting this site together. I'm waiting on a miscarriage now actually. I'm 11 weeks and found out last week that the baby had no heartbeat and died at 8w1d. I'm hoping to miscarry naturally and to be able to recognize the baby so I can bury it with the dignity he/she deserves. Now I feel as though I know what to look for. Thank you again and God bless everyone going through this. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

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  18. Lauren, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you will be able to peacefully deliver your baby so you can have that closure. ((hugs))

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  19. I thought I was 9 weeks pregnant, however my ultrasound showed only a small sac, and blood tests told me that my hormone levels were dropping, I am devastated, as I have PCOS and have been trying for 11 years to have another baby, I have a miracle 12 year old girl, so I am blessed in this regard, but to loose this baby, words cannot explain how we all feel.
    So far I have not miscarried, but my Dr. said he is not hopeful that my pregnancy will continue. I pray that all who go through this pain can be comforted by friends and loved ones as I have been. R.I.

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  20. R.I., I'm so sorry. There are no words to express the depth of the pain that that causes. ((hugs))

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  21. R.I. here again, update to all... started bleeding and cramping yesterday, was hopeful that I would keep my baby, but does not look like it was meant to be... I feel so sick, I have pain in my lower back, like contractions, and the cramps are like the worst period ever. So far the bleeding is only light, but my stomach feels like it is being trampled by elephants. But this is nothing compared to the emotional pain I feel, to loose something so desperately wanted.... I am lucky to have a great support team, mum, hubby and daughter, friends and family... thank you all for your continued support. I know I am going to need it for a while yet..
    xoxo to all going through this terrible pain....

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  22. Thank you for this website, I stumbled upon it as I was reading the story of sweet baby Walter. I myself just lost my precious baby at 8 weeks (5weeks3days gestation) this has helped my grieving process as I was able to see something similar to what my angel looked like. I was able to birth my child at home, If I had only found this site sooner I would have been able to fully understand and know what to expect, I may have handled everything a little better. Still at this point (two weeks later) My heart aches. I will always remember my little angel. Thank you again

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  23. Anonymous, I'm so sorry for your loss. Of course your heart aches after only two weeks! Don't let anyone try to tell you not to grieve. In a way, you will grieve for the rest of your life although I promise things get easier. I'm glad you were able to deliver your baby at home. I wish it were that way for everyone. Many ((hugs)).

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  24. I am glad that I found this page. I honestly wish I would have found it about an hour ago because I am pretty confident I just passed my little one about thirty minutes ago. My cramping became worst this morning and when I went to the restroom I heard a big plop in the toilet. It fell out as soon as I sat on the toilet. I was about 8 weeks pregnant. While I am thankful for my healthy boys that I already have, I am very saddened and hurt by this. I knew my baby was struggling to survive for about a week. His/her heartbeat was getting weaker and weaker. And then the bleeding finally began yesterday. Rest in peace my love

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  25. tebe, I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

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  26. Thank you for your website. It has been a comfort to me. I saw my baby's heartbeat when I thought I was 8 weeks pregnant, but the baby was only measuring 6 weeks. I went for another ultrasound two weeks later and no heartbeat. I decided to have a natural miscarriage at home and yesterday when I would have been 12 weeks it happened. I wish I would have found your site sooner because it was much more pain than I expected. I delivered my baby in the sac whole with the placenta attached. Once that happened the pain diminished substantially. My husband and I placed him in a box with a few items, a cross my pastor gave us, a copy of the Lord's Prayer, and a few trinkets I had since childhood. We read John 14: 1 - 6 and buried him in a flower garden. It was very important to me to be able to have him at home so it was very much worth the wait and the pain. If I had been more prepared I wouldn't have gotten so scared (it was NOTHING like menstrual cramps). I know I will see my baby again one day, and I picture him walking around in heaven holding my Dad's hand. Although I am still crying as I write this I feel like I can begin to heal now. I am praying for all women who have posted on this site and who come here because they are experiencing a miscarriage.

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  27. Anonymous, I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree that it is worth the wait and pain to be able to deliver your child naturally and at home. Of course, not everyone is given this particular blessing, but a blessing it is, despite the pain and grief. May your baby's memory be eternal!

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  28. My heart breaks for these children and the parents they left behind. I have several beautiful children now but can never forget my first daughter, whom I miscarried at 17 weeks. I was put in the abortion section of the outpatient surgery center, we were treated very coldly ("Forget about this. You're young. You'll have more children."), my husband was not allowed to be with me and nobody was there to comfort me as I sobbed. We were not allowed to have her little body. After all of this, nobody wanted to talk about it. We were just supposed to go on like nothing happened. Nearly 10 years later, I still cry when I think about her. I may not have known her on earth, but she was my daughter. Sadly, I was not allowed to grieve for her.

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  29. Anonymous, you are still allowed to grieve for her even now! Grief over the loss of a child is not something any of us "get over" and there are no time limits. We just learn to live through it and eventually some of the rough edges smooth out. I'm so sorry you had the poor experience you did. (((hugs)))

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  30. I am 11 weeks pregnant and went through a period of contemplating terminating the pregnancy as the father and were both fearful of how we would financially support another child (as we both have one child each from previous relationships). Running across this site has completely saddened my heart for even considering that option when there are couples who are longing for a child and having to experience the pain of loosing them involuntary. May God bless you all and your precious angels

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  31. Anonymous, thank you so much for leaving this comment. While Lost Innocents is not an explicitly pr-life site, it is in essence because it shows the beauty of God's creation in even the tiniest detail of fingers and toes. May God bless you with this child!

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  32. Hi am new in this page so I lost my son 22 days after birth he had three heart attack he was born march12/13 n he past way April 2/13 my pragnacy is very good nothing problem I had healthy pragnacy , now am pragnant again am 11 week today so far everything is good but I dr suggest me amniocentesis test they book appointment for me oct 23 so I want to know its safe plz if any one done this test or any info plz help me am so secered I don't want lose my baby again..

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  33. Ami,

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.

    Regarding an amniocentesis, is there any compelling reason to have one? There is always a risk that you will lose the baby simply as a result of having the test. If there are any signs that anything may be amiss, you can have a focused ultrasound around 19-20 weeks that is very good for detecting any problems like heart or kidney anomalies, giving you plenty of time to prepare before birth.

    I hope everything goes well with you and this baby.

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  34. Becz my son had tiny William syndrom

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  35. Even if this child has Williams syndrome too, it could probably be identified at a comprehensive ultrasound later in the pregnancy. To be honest, the reason the doctors are pushing you to have an amniocentesis is so you'll have time to abort the baby if he or she is diagnosed with some abnormality. There's really no other reason to risk losing this baby unless you're wanting to abort as early as possible. (I'm not ascribing this motive to you, by no means, just explaining the real reason behind all the pressure for early testing.) Given your history, the doctors feel that they have to check for every possible anomaly and do it as soon as possible because they feel they will be held liable if they don't at least offer the testing and you later (perhaps) have a child with some disorder. I didn't have any testing done (other than ultrasounds) with any of my children because we decided that all of our children were blessings and we'd take whatever we were blessed with.

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  36. Am very updat I don't know what I do

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  37. Thank u soo much Anna (((( hug))))

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  38. I have just found your site after my husbands sister lost her little boy at 17 weeks. I really do feel for everyone that has lost. I am so lucky myself to have a beautiful baby boy and seeing this site makes me ever more thankful.
    I wish all the ladies on here the strength love and support to get through such sad losses.
    Never feel bad to grieve for the loss of your child no matter how small.
    What a beautiful site to remember these beautiful little angels xx

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  39. Thank you, Anonymous. I'm so sorry for your SIL's loss.

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  40. Thank you for posting this website with its pictures. I miscarried my first and only pregnancy 7 months ago. I was 11 weeks 5 days when I found out. I knew I had twins (identical) and that only one had a heartbeat on the 8 week scan. As on Ob/Gyn physician myself, I thought my one with a heartbeat would still be ok... after all, it had a heartbeat! Even though I never wanted twins, I did feel some loss when I heard one didn't have a heartbeat, but was grateful to still have one. Then I found out on Valentine's day that I had lost both (on my nuchal translucency scan). The hardest part was going back to the office and caring for pregnant patients after I had found out.
    Despite it being 7 months, I still find it hard to deal with, especially since I haven't been able to get pregnant again yet, and have no other children. I will say it has felt therapeutic reading through other's experiences. Thank you again, for creating this site.

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  41. Anonymous, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your babies. I used to work in GYN but that was before my own losses. I always wondered how I would manage to go back if I had still been working there. I'm sure this was a particular pain for you.

    It was 14-15 months after my second loss before I was able to conceive again, despite trying very hard. Don't despair yet. I hope and pray you will have living children.

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  42. I have never personally suffered a miscarriage, but my sister has suffered several and a dear friend of mine has also endured the loss of one of her babies. My heart breaks for all those who have felt this loss. The pictures on this site are so beautiful, though I admit they are hard to look at because of the pain that I know is represented in each photo. Id I was not already 100% pro-life, I certainly would be after seeing these photographs. You are doing an amazingly wonderful thing through this blog, and I applaud you.

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  43. Anonymous, thank you. I appreciate your words. :)

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  44. Im so sorry your little angels went to heaven right away, but they brought you guys happiness mean while, and for us women, a mom.

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  45. I am sorry for everyone who lost his/her baby. God will bless the baby in heaven. hope the baby become angel

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  46. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a child. I thank you deeply though for sharing these pictures and sharing your strength. You are all incredibly strong to be able to do so and I am sure that your stories help many women.

    In my case it is helpful, I have never miscarried but the photos are very helpful in understanding child development at different stages of pregnancy. To see how children develop and study anatomy. The stories are heartbreaking but also wonderful. To see how you cope. And learn how to assist women who have suffered in similar ways, what to say and what not to say. As an EMT I sometimes have to try and console women who may have had miscarriages or have had them.

    I just wanted to thank you all for being so strong, and helping people by sharing your stories.

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  47. Thank you, anonymous (EMT), for writing. It is very kind of you to want to be more empathetic to women suffering the loss of a baby. ((hugs))

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  48. Dear Matushka Anna, I am an Orthodox Christian living in Southern California. We found out on Thanksgiving weekend that we were pregnant with our second child. Last week at 7 weeks 6days, we went in for first checkup and ultrasound. My (wonderful and sensitive!) OB gently explained that baby was only measuring 5weeks 5days. She said to say our prayers and hope for the best, but also to prepare myself for what was likely to come. Today, on Christmas Day, I miscarried the precious baby. I was thankfully at home. We have named the baby Innocent as this week we remember the Holy Innocents slaughtered by Herod. So long as all goes well at the doctors,we plan to go to St. Barbara's Monastery in Santa Paula this weekend to bury the baby. The nuns have reserved a special area of their cemetery for miscarried and stillborn babies. I don't know if you are in contact with them or have shared that information on your blog, but I am so comforted to know that we have such a special and holy place to lay the baby to rest. My heart is heavy and my eyes are wet with tears. Still, I am thankful for our short time with this sweet blessing and the love I feel for the child. Please pray for me and the child, who shares our Savior's birthday! Thank you for the information you so lovingly share here. It is such a refreshing contrast from the harsh "medical" reality of what has taken place.

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  49. Mary, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. Even though Innocent is no longer with us, he or she is alive in Christ and celebrating Christmas with the heavenly host! I know it is a comfort to be able to lay Innocent's body to rest in such a blessed place with the prayers of the nuns. May God comfort you in your sorrow and bring you peace. And may Innocent's memory be eternal! ((hugs))

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  50. at the age of 16.. i became pregnant, i remembered when my older sis got pregnant at age 17 my parents were sooo mad and called her stupid and told her she had ruined her life and that her baby would suffer eternity for them having her at such a young age... believe it or not my parents are pro life.. oO my boyfriend who was the father of my unborn baby was 23 and was scared of my army dad and i was too i was happy to be pregnant but the thought of my parents sending him to jail and ridiculing me and in turn THEM ruining my life..as my boyfriend pointed out, i was frightened to have the baby and had an abortion.. i was told it wasnt a baby yet and i didnt know then that it was a human form i was 12 weeks..... unbelieveable and that haunts me.. i had two lovly children years later with a different man.. a more mature one... in fact the first live birth child was when i was married to my first boyfriend and he wanted me to abort again.. but the 2nd man stood up and told my husband no and took me baby shopping alot.. making it impossible for me to consider abortion... i got divorced and married the second man and then had a boy and later a girl.. we always knew we wanted more children but neeeded those two (16 months apart, almost like twins) to get out of diapers and become more independant. now those two are 7 and 6. in oct 2012 we decided it was time and removed mirena.. got pregnant in january 2013 and misscarried febuary 1st 2013.. i watched the blood and even searched through it trying to find my baby but i found nothing.. i was likely 4 weeks which is 2 weeks conception.. would i have found anything? it hurt more then a period, even that early.. very painful and i cried. finalllllly i found out november 28th 2013 i am pregnant again and now after two ultrasounds and loads of video clips and pictures.. baby is 9 weeks 2 days today. and healthy! (husband bought me an excellent heart monitor for home use... that helps ease my concerns and makes me not torment the doctors asking for daily check ups ;) im sooo excited! and scared.. im not sure i could endure what others have on this site.. but i do know what would be expected.. and as for my parents.. they still freak out when i tell them im pregnant and now i throw pictures of aborted babies in their face and ask if THAT is their wish for their grandchild... they quickly shut their mouths ;) looking at this pictures has really help me bond with my current baby in a special way! THANK YOU! ps... i cry over my babies but dont feel im allowing myself to believe in a loss.. almost like i feel their little invisible fairy angels that are around me always.. like i never let them go..... and i just dont talk about it... my husband didnt handle the miscarriage very well at all and this time he is VERY over protective of me. -tash

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  51. Tash, I'm so sorry for your losses, both of them. :( At four weeks you almost certainly wouldn't have been able to find anything recognizable because of everything being so small, so don't torment yourself with it.

    I hope this pregnancy goes well for you and your family!

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  52. I had wondered that most people don't seem to talk much about. How do you bury these children? Can you bury them at cemetery? Is it legal to bury them in your yard? How do you handle this part of the traumatic situation?

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    1. My partner and I both grew up in a beautiful mountain region. When we lost our first child at 6 weeks (found out at the 12 week scan and miscarried at 14 weeks), I decorated a small wooden box, placed everything inside, and we buried out little one out in the bush in a quiet spot with a lovely view over a valley near my parents' house. We can always go back to this place, and I doubt another soul will even pass by the spot we chose.

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    2. I had miscarriage last year in July I was 12 weeks gone it was a little boy and I got kids or ready I got 6 boys one girl and just found out of doctor I am 6 weeks pregnant again and missed miscarriage I got scan Tuesday I now they say no sack or baby I am 35 years old and I blame my self what did I do wrong for my baby to die

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  53. Anonymous, check out this page: http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/practical-q-and-a.html

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  54. I tried to find a way to email you directly, but couldn't. I am writing to request permission to use some of your photographs of miscarried babies in a training of clergy and church workers about miscarriage. Would that be alright? Please email me at founders@elizabethministry.com or call me at 920-766-9380. Thank you.

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  55. Elizabeth Ministry, I'll send you an email. (If anyone else is wanting to contact me directly the email is lostinnocentsorthodox (at)gmail (dot) com)

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  56. Iam so glad to have come across this 9 years ago i was pergenet with my 3 child everything was fine went in for my 12 week chakup and the babys hart beat stiped at8 weeks...i was so devastaated i went home and cried and cried within a week i had my baby i went to the bathroom thanking it was that i had to have a boul but it was the baby i was in shok that i flushed tge tolet and passed out wajeing up in the er i was told i had passed the baby tell this day i wish i could have got the baby and wasint scard....im 16 +5. Pergnet abd everthing is going well think you so much for haveing this site i now know wgat my lil angel looked liked....

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  57. Anonymous, I hope everything goes well with this baby!

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  58. First of all my heart and prayers go out to all the mommies and daddies who miscarried. Whatever the circumstances of its occurrence, it is never easy to endure the loss of a child. In our case, I have been grappling with pcos for some time now and it definitely put a wrench in our plans to have a baby due to irregular periods and anovulation. My journey involved taking drugs to help with the symptoms in hopes of conceiving. We continued on this way for 9 years up until we decided IVF would be the next step in the process. I had many nights of ferverent prayer. As a result, my faith has grown. I know God has His plan for us. So we went for a meeting with the nurse at the fertility clinic to learn about the schedule for my injections and how to do it on my own. I was hopeful but at the same time very ambivalent about the process for ethical reasons. I only wanted upto 3 eggs fertilized and only those implanted,; none frozen or destroyed. After returning home that evening after our consult, I had been feeling bloated and more tired as of late than usual , so I decided to take yet another pregnancy test. It was positive! I was apparently 5 weeks along upto this point which explained my symptoms. We were elated under the circumstances. For me it was purely a miracle. Which it was. Everything was normal. My baby Nektarios had a strong heartbeat throughout, up until THAT DAY :( I was just 2 days shy of 20 weeks when mild cramping began. I felt a heaviness from the day before and slight discharge. I didn't think anything of it as this part was normal. It's when my cramping began to increase throughout the day. I wanted to go to the hospital. That's when it started to hurt. I was admitted and the doctor who examined me stated my membranes had ruptured so I was headed for a miscarriage and there was nothing they could do for me to wait for my labour to begin. The pains increased 100 fold and as soon as my water broke the pain ceased and then it was a matter of me having to push my baby out. I felt helpless and robbed of this life in me. My baby was still alive but slowly expiring as his tiny lungs took in air. I held him for his final moments and watched as his little heart beat in his chest and gave up his blessed spirit. I lifted him up and made the sign of the cross with his body, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit" returning back to God. It was the most excruciating next two days of my life. I battled with what I could have done different or how I could have stopped working and stayed home. At the end of the day it was the will of God to allow me to have the gift of carrying my little boy inside me; to feel him and love him. I know he's been given a free pass into heaven and for that at least I'm grateful to God and feel blessed to have had those days and months with him. I still hope to be able to conceive God willing. As closure we asked the hospital to allow us to bury our baby, which we did. Our loving priest read a prayer over my husband and myself 2 days after the miscarriage for strength and peace and then a week later we buried our little angel as our priest conducted the burial service. I can't stress how much this helped my husband and I achieve some peace and a sense of closure. God is always there for those who need Him and walking right beside us in all our trials and hardships. May God always care and bless you all!
    Vassia

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  59. These stories are very sad and touching. May God bless you all. With love and good blessing :) dj

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  60. Jenna Olson-DahlMay 28, 2014 at 5:28 PM

    I recently (4 days ago...) lost my son. His name is Arthur Daniel, I delivered him at 21 weeks but found out he died around 16 weeks. He was my third child. To me is very much a baby, he is my baby...I don't talk about him as "he was my baby" I talk about him as "he is my baby"...because even though he died, when he died he took apart of me with him. My family and I decided that we don't want to have a funeral...instead my husband and I decided we want to memorialize him, and remember the short time we had with him. We are going to plant an apple tree at my grandmothers house in his honor, so that in a way...he will always be with us. I've never felt loss like I did when I found out his heart wasn't beating, I felt like a part of me died...I think about him everyday, and I will continue to until the end. I lost my child, but I know he is in a good place and I tell my other kids (my son is 6 and my daughter is 5) that their brother is their guardian angel, and that he is watching down on us from heaven. I am so sorry to all the other families that have gone through this...and to people that don't understand...they never will until something like this happens and truly opens your eyes to see that anything can happen.

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  61. I was so happy to find this website! I was so blessed to be able to give birth to 6 healthy children, but I also had 5 miscarriages. One of the miscarriages, I was about 10 and a half weeks along, and found out my HcG levels were dropping, and had been bleeding for a few days and that a miscarriage was inevitable. We had planned a trip to visit my parents, out of state, and I decided what better place to go to receive support! Little did I know, my campiness would begin to feel like labor pains along the 12 hour car trip, and in a gas station restroom, I delivered a placenta with a bubble looking thing in the center that was about a 4 inch circle. I looked at it, could not see through the sac, always wondered about if that REALLY COULD have been the baby's "home" inside had I looked, more closely, but just flushed it down the toilet! As soon as my body delivered this, my contractions stopped! "Amber's Story's" photo LOOKS very similar and sounds very similar to my experience, and I have been "googling" and searching for around 11 years, now! A mother NEVER forgets her child! Thank you for ALL those who have posted their heartfelt stories, and God Bless EACH of you!

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  62. June 8 2007 I had just moved in to my new place doing most of the moving and lifting my self. The following week I started having bad pains just figured I hurt my self in the move. I never knew I was pregnant my periods were never normal they came and went as they please. June 18 2007 I went to the ER, the pain was worse to the point I couldn't walk. I remember the first time I seen my son I fell in love! He had a strong heart beat and was moving so much I cried with joy. The Dr sent me home on bed rest and an appointment. With an ob in 2 weeks but sadly I never made it. June 27 2007 I started bleeding heavily was rush back to the ER, on the way there the EMS delivered my son. He was born at 17 weeks. I have 3 beautiful children now each one a rainbow baby. My heart breaks for the ones I lost early on but it hurts even more for my son

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  63. February, April and June of 2012 I miscarried. First one was at 5 then 7 then 8 weeks. I never really looked for anything. I guess I didn't realize that I could find something. That was the hardest 6 months of my life. The next year I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant again. Only to find out that the baby's heart stopped at 5 week's (I would have been 11 weeks). Since the baby didn't pass I had to have a D&C. And that is when I found out it was actually a complete molar pregnancy.
    I am thankful though that we do have a beautiful daughter. She was born before all this.

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  64. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl last May 8, 2014 at exactly 7:46am via C-section. She cried out loud after she was taken from my system. She was on her 38th week of gestation and we opted for a elective CS due to my CPD. She was indeed a very healty girl with an APGAR score of 8-9, she cried and then sneezed which made my OB smile bc she knew that my baby was a healthy kid. My husband was so happy when he saw our baby and said that she's the most beautiful baby on Earth. She weighed 2.8 kg and woth the length of 52cm. A view of a perfect child. After I got back to my room from the recovery room, my husband pleaded for he nurse to bring our baby in my room but the nurse said that it wasn't allowed. I felt something strange. I know my baby was ok but still there was a diff feeling inside me. Then 4pm came and my in-laws and mom came to the hospital and were so happy to see my healthy baby girl inside the nursery room. Then 5:30 pm came and the pedia dr told us that the baby started to change status, she was somewhat not in a good condition anymore. 7pm came, scheduled viewing time for the babies, but to our surprise the curtain of the nursery was still closed. It somehow showed that something was going on inside the room which thw staff doesn't want us to see. To my surprise the pedia called me and said that my baby was placed inside the incubator and loaded with lots of IVF. I started crying, it came to me that I will lose my child. It was so painful. At 10 pm they said that my baby has a cardiac underdevelopment, which I know for sure wasn't true bc if that was true it shoud have shown during her first breathe of life, and they never performed any cardiac tests to prove that my baby has a heary problem. They can't fool me bc I'm a nurse, but then the pedia said that it was he truth. I know for sure that what happened to my precious one was septecemia or sepsis, but they denied. My baby died at 1:30am, almost 18hrs after she was born. !y poor baby, I never got the chance to carry her while she was still alive, they never allowed her near me. I saw her lifeless, lying on a cold table inside the nursery. We insisted taht we dont believe that my baby died of cardiac problem but rather infection due to their carelessness, but he pedia just said that if I want to I can opt for an autopsy which I thought was so much for my angel. A baby so small and fragile be cut open, no way. Too much of suffering for her. Though I know that if I had consented for an autopsy, the criminal must have been in jail right now, but I just said that God will serve the best justice for my baby. It still hurts. Each and every day I kept on thinking about her. I am thanking God because I still have my eldest with me, who gives me so much joy. But still, there is an empty space in my heart. It's as if a part of me left my body and buried with my baby, a part of me that left me and baby brought with her when she left us. I love her. This is the most painful thing a person cpuld ever encounter. The pain that doesn't fade, the pain that is persistent thru days.

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  65. Teeny tiny babies, im so sorry for those going through loss of a little one. Love and prayers to you all and god bless.

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  66. I'm having a miscarriage now. My husband and I are devastated. We tried fir two and a half years to conceive and on 28 August we got our first positive pregnancy test. We thought the Lord had answered our prayers and was blessing us for refusing to do ivf, even though the fertility clinic was trying with all their might to push us into it. Sadly on 6 September i got light cramps and started to bleed. Although Sesame Seed was only about 5 weeks old (from day of lmp) s/he is our baby and we will always be his/her parents who love him/her. This was my first ever pregnancy and i'll be 38 in January. It's hard and i feel like the Lord has abandoned me. I want so much to be able to hold our child in my arms.

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  67. At the bottom of this page says you can email with a question is there an email address plz x

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  68. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. Yes, the email is on the sidebar: lostinnocentsorthodox (at) gmail (dot) com.

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  69. I wrote my comments and it didn't post=(

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  70. I was a baby that was almost lost. I think about it every day. Sometimes my mom cries. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes we cry together. I wounder what it would be like to die at being a baby. Would God love me? Would he care? I don`t know. God let me live, so I am grateful. My mom says when I was born My skull was not right and I was blind but the doctors fixed me. I am still blind though.

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    1. All of these little ones departed this life so soon are with Christ in heaven. They have no pain, no sorrow, no fear. They are full of joy. They are without sin and are His "special battalion" - right at His feet. Have no doubts that they are loved no less than each of us is loved.

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  71. It breaks ma heart to see ol thoz tiny babies on e pics...I am sooo devastated coz have miscarried 3tyms in a row ol in a period of a year...my first loss was at 21weeks...I dnt know wat my bby looked like coz I wasn't allowed to c him bcz my blood pressure had gone out the roof nd I had to be sedated...wen I woke up I stl cldnt see him cz they sed my heart ws slowly becoming weak nd if I saw him I cld hv gone into cardiac arrest bcz of e trauma I hate myself 4not being able to see my bby or burying him...4months later I fell pregnant again but lost e bby again at 8weeks...as I type now m in e process of another miscarriage and this time I wasn't even aware tht I was preg...I feel lyk m losing my mind but after reading ol e stories I've cum to realize that It wasn't my fault,a lot of women go thru e same things I ve been thru...donno if I wl want to try again cz m frightened by e thought of losin yet another baby...

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    1. Anonymous, I'm so sorry for all of your losses. Please don't hate yourself for not seeing your child. It certainly wasn't your choice at the time. You will see all of your children again one day. ((hugs))

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  72. I just found out last week I had a miscarriage I was only 4 weeks along. I had no pain my periods are always on time so when I was 4 days late I took a test and it was a faint positive well the next day I started bleeding I just thought it was a late period.. the slight positive test bothered me so while still bleeding I took another and it was a positive.. still at this point I had no pain just heavy bleeding went to the hospital and they told me it looked like a miscarriage told me to come back in two days.. within those two days I had one big clot( which now I know was the baby) went back to hospital after the two days and they said it was a deffinent miscarriage. I already have beautiful twin girls who will be 3 in December almost miscarried them at 24 weeks but had a cerlauge put in and saved them! My husband and I planned this pregnancy we have been trying since June and to finally get a positive result was so exciting and then it was just taken away really hurts.. sometimes I think about If I didn't take the test and didn't know that it would be so.much easier but I think about it all the time and don't know how to act. My husband shows no emotion about it and just says we will try again but I'm scared to I don't want to go threw it again and be further along I don't think I can handle that!! My heart goes out to all these beautiful women on here who lost your precious babies!!

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    1. Anonymous, I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand about wishing you hadn't tested, but in retrospect, since you were late you would have suspected anyway. :(

      On a medical note, with your history of live births and only one miscarriage - very early - your odds of miscarrying again are no higher than someone who has never miscarried. A very early miscarriage with a history of live birth suggests that the baby this time had a random chromosomal problem - highly unlikely to occur again. The fear is completely understandable, but it will be helpful to remind yourself of this.

      Regarding your husband, it is very, very common for men to react this way to a pregnancy loss, particularly an early one. They simply didn't have the hormonal connection to the baby that the woman did, and with it being so early, the baby seems hardly real. I know that my husband felt that the baby wasn't ever really *real* to him until he or she was born. Husbands are also typically "fixers" and want to fix the problem (grief) in the only way they know how - give you another baby, quick! This is out of love and not out of disregard for the baby or for your grief. It can be helpful to honestly ask for what you need: someone to just acknowledge your pain and grief and fear without suggesting solutions.

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  73. Beautiful little angels, forever in Gods care.

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  74. i was 8 weeks when i had my first Miscarriage (july 2014)my 3 Pregnacy,i was so upset about it, because i was so happy that we was going to be welcoming another beautiful blessing from god into our little family,i was upset for a few days but i was fine after because i knew where my baby was up in heaven with the angels looking after Him or Her waiting for me to come home, by watching the movie Heaven is for real that just made me feel even more happy my baby didnt die my baby is home up in heaven waiting for me to come home :)

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    1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes, your child is certainly in heaven. ((Hugs))

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    2. I HAVE TO REPLY I GOING THRU THE EXACT SAME THING.. I'M MISCARRYING AS I TYPE AT 7 WEEKS...AND IT'S JULY 2016...I TOO HAVE 2 LIVING CHILDREN WHO WERE VERY EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW BABY....MY FEELINGS ARE HURT...BUT KNOW GOD HAS A BETTER PLAN...AND I TOO FEEL ARE BABIES ARE LIL ANGEL...I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U LIL BABY

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  75. Thank you for these beautiful pictures. I'm waiting to deliver my baby. Found out yesterday that I miscarried. I am 11 weeks pregnant but baby measured 9 wks 3 days.

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    1. I'm so sorry for your loss. How well I know that pain. ((hugs))

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    3. The most likely scenario is that you will see a clear sac, probably attached to the placenta. The baby will be inside and should look like the babies of the same gestation in the photos above. The more time that goes on, the greater the chance that the sac will rupture, but I have waited over three weeks and still had a very full sac with baby inside. Blood clot can partially cover the sac so check inside large clots. Also, with my last miscarriage the placenta turned inside-out when I delivered it and the sac was inside.

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    4. I am 4 weeks pregnant and I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship. My boyfriend just got out of battling depression/schizophrenia, I myself battled postpartum Depression and psychosis, we are both at a point where we are starting to our careers, I take care of my mom, sister, and I receive no financial support from my ex. And on top of that I am in deportation preceedings, I am not a criminal, I've been in the US for 16 years, I can as a 12 ur old. Application for my green card was denied, so I am this limbo for God knows how long. ..to make a long story short, my heart breaks in pieces knowing that I can not keep this baby as he will be doomed in living in poverty if I had to be deported, as I have no one else to lean on but myself, and I have 3 other people relying on me financially...even if im granted the right to stay, im still not able to mentally and financially support 2 kids and 2 adults...it's something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life, my partner doesn't feel he's ready to be a dad...I do not wish this current situation on my worse enemy...as I have ICE, immigration knocking on my door and showing up at my door step every week, and calling me, and they can throw me in jail whnvr they feel like, They had previously strapped an ankle bracelet on my leg, for weeks I was suicidal, no pregnant woman or mother should go through this, and I'm leaving in fear and I worry every day...So i hope some of you will understand where I come from and not judge me...May God Help us all...

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    5. Anon., yes, no pregnant mother should have to go through that. I strongly suggest that you contact your local crisis pregnancy center. They can help you with health care, help you connect with the proper social services, and help you arrange an adoption if necessary. Don't add the pain of knowing you murdered your baby to all the rest!

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    6. Anonymous,

      I am curious as to how you are holding up?

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  76. I recently lost my baby boy i never had a miscarriage i only felt a little cramp and i ignore it thinking that it was normal in about an hour i told my boss that i needed to go bad when clean my self i saw some clear watery sticky things iwipe again and feelt like i needed to push and so i did and like a sack came out i was shocked i didn't know what to do i grab it out of the toilet and look at it then i noticed that i was pregnant. It was a boy it was complete ... i feelt so bad i was expecting to become pregnant and i found out wen i lost it ....is so difficult to express my feelings it hurts ....

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    1. I'm so sorry. What a difficult way to find out you were actually pregnant. ((hugs))

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  77. My husband and I just lost our third baby. At first I thought this site was creepy, but then I found it very comforting. I felt like it provided a connection with my babies that I didn't have, sort of putting a face with a name thing.....I was never able to see my babies after they were "born". The miscarriage is the weirdest/hardest thing I have ever gone through....I am not sure if it is because I was further along with the second one (16 weeks), or if it is because I know that she was a girl, or if because #3 just happened and it's still too fresh, or if it's because #3 only made it to 13 weeks, and #1 was only 8 weeks, but I feel such a connection to baby #2 and I miss her every day, think about her every day. Uggggggh......

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    1. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. Don't stress about how much connection you feel to each child. There are a slew of circumstances surrounding each and our *feelings* are no measure of our love.

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  78. Hello all. Im so blessed I found this page. About a year ago on a Saturday I thought I was having my "period' with a bad case of cramps and abdominal pain. I didn't know I was pregnant. I went to the restroom and what I thought was my "period" come to find out later was not. I flushed the toilet. Pieces of clots were in the toilet as well. I refused to go to the doctor because I was afraid. So I blew it off. But now I feel so bad. I wish I had went to the hospital. But I didn't know I was pregnant. I was on birth control and the doctors told I couldn't get pregnant because I do not produce eggs or whatever. This site has helped me became at peace with myself. I still blame myself for this. I wish I could have prevented it. The unborn child I had I'm sorry. Forgive me. I wish I'd know.

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    1. Do not blame yourself - how could you have known? (((Hugs)))

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  79. I just found out yesterday at my 13 week appointment that my baby stopped growing at 10 weeks. I saw him/her alive and well at 10 weeks 3 days but I was measuring 4 days smaller. When I spoke with my OBGYN yesterday I told her that I don't want to have a D&C done but rather wait for nature to takes it course. I'm glad I found this page because now I at least know what to look for and expect. I had a miscarriage when I was 16 and have been unable to conceive until now at 31 years of age. I don't know if I will try again. I plan on having this baby and having his/her remains cremated. Sorry for everyone's loss.

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    1. I'm so sorry, Anonymous. I hope you are able to have a peaceful delivery on your own. Wait until your grief has eased a bit before making a decision about trying again. It's hard to make decisions when you're hurting so much. ((hugs))

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  80. I found out I was pregnant and knew I couldn't bear to have an abortion. I decided to look into adoption. For weeks I tried to disassociate myself from the pregnancy as to not get to attached to the gift I was only carrying for another. I feel guilty because maybe had i loved him more and tried harder to keep him he'd still be here...

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    1. Anonymous, don't feel guilty. It doesn't work that way. God doesn't "kill our babies" because we didn't love them enough. We don't miscarry because we are having difficulties (for whatever reason) in attachment. (((Hugs))) May God grant you peace and healing.

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  81. I just lost my 5 weeks baby an hour ago. It is so painful as I have so many plans for him. It is my 1st & trying to concieve for almost 4 yrs. Still looking for the positive side coz I know god has reason for my loss. It feels like my purpose for living is gone. I'm so broken.

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    1. Oh, Anonymous, I'm so sorry. May God comfort you in your sorrow!

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    2. Nothing compares to the pain from first loss. He will always be remembered. I chose to share my agony with the people who experienced the same glad to see this page. I haven't told anything to my closest friends. Most of the time I just wanted to be alone.

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  82. I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant on Jan. 5th. On Feb. 5th I found out my baby had died sometime within the past week, and I naturally miscarried on Feb. 14th Which was yesterday. I'm still devastated, I just keep thinking why my baby was taken from me.
    I stumbled upon this website while looking at options with how I should handle my baby, and I'm glad I did.
    I've been so worried that maybe I what I had actually wasn't my baby, or thinking what if I had flushed him. Now I know I do still have him which gives me some peace that he will be where I bury him.
    My heart goes to everyone grieving.

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    1. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I do hope that being able to bury your baby will give you some peace. It did for me (although initially it was very painful of course).

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  83. I found the picture of Tabitha's Angel on a google search. When I first clicked on it it was a clear picture. I went to another picture & for some reason I went back to that one...well it was blurry but right in the center there was a cross just plain as day that you cannot see when the picture is focused!!! Tabitha...your sweet Angel is in heaven!!! I felt led to go to this page because the picture was marked with this link & share this & I pray you read this! Maybe you are missing your precious baby right now & need this or other moms need this...I don't know but I pray the right person reads this! Praying for you & all mom's that have a baby in heaven!

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  84. I read through this page and looked at all the tiny babies taken from the world and I cried. I'm 27 and I haven't had children yet or tried, but I always said I would never abort if I became pregnant. These are tiny, helpless people who need our love.

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  85. I here all your stories and I am very sorry for what happened to each of you. I know how it feels and I am still battling to forget about it. I was only a few weeks pregnant when my ex-boyfriend gave me pills that he knew they will have a negative impact to me and the baby. long story short, I lost the baby because of him. this breaks my heart and that why I chose not to tell him because I know he did it on purpose, he knew I was pregnant and I didn't know I was pregnant until I wasn't. I have kept this a secret for a very long time and right now I am failing to express my feelings and explain the whole story. seeing a pregnant woman and newborns just break my heart. I wish to say much but I'm failing, this just crumbles my soul.

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    1. Anonymous, I'm so terribly sorry for what you've suffered. Rest assured that your sweet baby is in Heaven and prays for you at the feet of Christ! May God give you comfort and peace.

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  86. Thank you for the photos that you all shared, they were very helpful in that I could identify my baby from all the tissue and was able to hold it in my hands for a while. It meant a lot to me. I will never forget. Thank very much!!

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    1. Anonymous, I'm glad this site was helpful and aided you in identifying your baby. May his memory be eternal!

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  87. I lost my baby on monday. He was 7 weeks old and his heart stopped. I heard his heart beating last week and on monday i heard the painful silence of death. I'm pretty sure he was a beautiful boy so i named him Matei (Matthew). I want to tell him this: Matthew, mommy loves you and will always keep you in her heart. Even if I didnt hold you in my arms, im proud i held you in my womb, my little angel! Thank you for these photographs. People should see this more often and perhaps understand the tragedy of losing a baby, no matter how tiny or small he was. The miracle of life is in every little cell, from the moment the baby is conceived.

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    1. Iulia, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby, Matei. May his memory be eternal!

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  88. SPEECHLESS........😢
    I AM 6 WEEKS PREGNANT. GOD IS GOOD. GOD YOU KNOW WHAT MY THOUGHTS WERE YOU LOVE ME MY DEAR GOD. YOU BROUGHT ME HERE TODAY AT 1:36 A.M MY LORD.....YOU BROUGHT ME HERE YOU MADE ME SEE THE TRUTH YOU MADE ME SEE EXACTLY HOW YOU WANTED ME TO SEE
    👎 (062215)👎AMEN DEAR LORD AMEN I WILL ALWAYS PRAISE TO YOU MY LORD
    -LOLA C.....

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    1. Lola, may God bless and keep you from harm.

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  89. I cry for all of these beautiful children. Thank you for your beautiful time here on earth.. You made my day.. Thank you

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  90. My situation is much different than what I read anywhere. I have not yet been seen by a doctor, despite being nearly 11 weeks. I am almost 42. I have had three prior miscarriages when in my 20's, but have never conceived since. Because of those, and my high risk age, and high blood pressure, and being overweight, I waited about three more weeks before making an appointment with a doctor. That was when I was 9 weeks. Apparently family physicians around here do not have the equipment to do an ultrasound (I called several) and the two obgyns I called had at best over a month wait to been seen at all. After finding out I could at least see a midwife within a month, I took that appointment, and began to wait.

    Nearly two weeks later I begin 14 hours of very hard cramps, and bleeding. (I had been spotting the entire pregnancy, but was told that is usually fine, and many women do) but this was more blood. The next afternoon I began passing large clots. After a couple hours, I pass what I think is my baby, and yes, I did keep him. He did not have a sac, despite my weeks pregnant as 10+ weeks, and I did not bleed that much, compared to other miscarriages, and it was not as painful.

    I keep reading about you women delivering very definite placentas, definite sacs, very defined looking babies at 10 weeks, but I am not seeing this. All I have is one clump of tissue in a very young shape with what I believe is part of the cord. The bleeding was pretty minimal considering I was 10+ weeks, and it and the pain stopped completely within hours.

    I have so many thoughts: Did I not complete the miscarriage? Has it been dead for so many weeks (despite positive weekly at home tests) that it will not look even 8 weeks nor deliver a sac, or placenta? Was there twins and I failed to bleed as much bc the uterine lining is still, in essence, being used?

    I am calling the doctor's office with which I have the midwife appointment on Monday morning. I am hoping that there is some way someone can see me before the 18 days I'm scheduled to wait. Besides being devastated that, not only did I lose a baby at 41 years old, I know that means there will surely be no more ( My husband and I have split--very bad timing, right. ) but I'm also angry with myself for not getting into the doctor sooner, getting the appointments scheduled weeks ago so that I might have seen the live heartbeat, gotten an ultrasound picture... had some type of comparison with this 'baby' tissue I think I have saved to bury to what the doctor could have seen.

    So, after all that, anyone who has read this so far........... I ask. Has anyone had a miscarriage at 10+ weeks and NOT seen a sac and placenta? It was only clots (fell apart immediately, smooth, no structure) and one two inch baby shaped tissue lump with a little cord. Is this just me???

    Guess I will sit and wait for the doctor. I hope it's not 18 more days...

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    1. I'm so sorry, Ursula. It is hard to answer all of your questions. I think in light of what you have just experienced the doctor should see you immediately because there is a danger of infection if there is anything left behind in the uterus. They will probably do an ultrasound to check. If you did, in fact, lose a twin and there is a twin remaining then an u/s will show that.

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    2. Thank you, Matushka Anna. I am trying to get in earlier than the 18th. I'm hoping that telling them I'm having problems will speed it up. I'm having cramps all day today, and some spotting again. Guess I will find out a bit more tomorrow. Thanks for the reply.

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    3. The end of the story is that I DID have twins. I also began hemoragging, had a fever, and needed surgery. I had a very hard time deciding to let them do it, bc I didn't want to lose the second baby, to not be able to take him home w me... but my physical weakness overruled. I still have the first baby I lost at home, and he is being buried in a memorial at my house, but everything will be done in twos. Bc it WAS two babies. And I will just have to deal w the fact that, at 42 in a month, I will be living w my barren womb forever, and wondering if it is always my fault that I 4 times have lost 5 babies.

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    4. Ursula, I'm so sorry. I wondered if you had lost one of a pair of twins. Rest assured that there was nothing you could do to save the second twin. You would both have died had you not had surgery. I still know that it was anguish on top of anguish, but at least please try not to feel guilty about what you had no control over. And no, having no living children as of yet (because it's not over until menopause) does not mean that you *did something wrong* that God is punishing you for. You have five children for all eternity. May God give you peace while you wait to be reunited.

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    5. Ursula, I am so sorry for your losses :( I found this site & related to your story bc I'm having a hard time deciphering what's what and desperate for some answers. I was 8 weeks 5 days and was not able to find an obvious sac or baby. I'm thinking of you & just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

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    6. Sorry you had to go through this Ursula.
      I'm 42yrs old and 3wks ago i had a 12wk scan and found out i was pregnant with twins. Sadly, twin A had no heart beat and had died at 10wks. At 14wks i started to cramp and lose a pink fluid so i went to hospital. They kept me in over night and in the morning i had a scan. Thankfully twin B was ok but there was no sign of twin A, just a small sack, and i went home. Almost a wk later the fluid turned to bleeding like a period and now at 15 & 1/2wks im still bleeding but no signs of bub at all. Its like my body had desolved bub and my body is gently cleaning out.
      I was hoping to cary it with twin B to the end, but it wasnt to be.

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  91. My daughter in law is a mess. Last week, she & my son were at the doctor's office listening to their baby's heartbeat for the first time. Last night, she miscarried in the toilet. She was so upset by what she saw in the toilet that she flushed it. This was her first pregnancy, and I know she was scared to death by what happened. Anyway, today, she has been crying all day. She can't believe that she flushed her baby down the toilet, & she keeps saying it was the wrong thing to do, and she'll never be forgiven. She keeps repeating, "Why did I do that. Why?". Has anyone else had this experience? Or does anyone have any comforting words for her? I know that she was in complete shock over everything that happened. I have never been through this & don't know how to comfort her. Can anyone help?

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    1. Jeanie,
      I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter-in-law (and son). Many, many women have done the exact same thing especially when a miscarriage was unexpected and a complete shock. I know women personally who have done this. It's NOT A SIN. She was not deliberately trying to defile her baby's body, she was acting in shock. In our Church we have many saints whose bodies were burned and the remains thrown in the sea (or other similar situations which would result in nothing for other Christians to bury). Can God not work with this? We will all be reunited with our resurrected bodies in the end, even those who have been dust for thousands of years. God is not sitting up there with a huge hammer waiting to smack us down for every little thing. He weeps with you and your family over the loss of this baby. He knows your daughter-in-law's heart and knows she loved and still loves her baby and would not do anything deliberately hurtful to him or her. Please give her a hug for me.

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    2. Please tell her that it is common for women to panic, or be so confused by miscarrying into the toilet, that she flushes and regrets it. I did years ago. The bathroom is a taboo place where people are shamed for even retrieving a dropped hairbrush, and yet women can be faced, completely unexpectedly, with the shock of feeling a baby slip out into that shameful place, and not know what to do. I know, just now having a miscarriage this week, I did feel ashamed that some people who might hear of me reaching into the toilet and pulling something out was going to get me head shakes and they would think I was so gross. And that is true. Some will. But it is YOUR BABY and you do what ever you want, if you have the chance. Panic is not shameful, and if her baby went into the water, it was still greeted by God. She is not to blame for the horrible choice she made when in fear and pain and misery. Be strong, and be at peace.

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    3. Hi, i had this experience today i was about 9 weeks pregnant and the baby came out today and fell right into the toilet. The part that really angers me is that the OB/GYN said the baby
      wouldnt be that big when it came out as a

      miscarriage, well he was wrong the baby came out and it came out looking morelike it was 10 to 11 × weeks old. I kind of freaked out i wante d to take it out of the toilet but i decided to just flush it down the toilet because i dident really know how to react. Ive been sleeping allday and off work for 4 days now but i know the baby is with God now. Thank u for ur post Jeanie it has given me closure and all the other ladies posting comments it gives me peace to read ur stories. I know in the end we all become one with the earth wheather we are, cremated, buried in the groud or at sea. There is a biblical quote that says something like "Remember when children are given to us, they are given through us not to us" this quote has always helped me get through my sisters daughters loss in 99 or 2000 she passed away from brain cancer at 1year and 5 months and now it is helping me and hopefully ot helps anybody out there going through the same experience. Thank you.

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  92. Thank you for this site. One of my close friends just lost her baby. She was 8 weeks along, but the baby probably died sometime before that. I was surprised by how incredibly devastated I've been - it's not even my child and I just hurt. I miss that little baby so much and I never even met her/him. I wondered if it was weird for me to care so much, and to think so much about what the baby looked like. This was very helpful and comforting. God makes us so marvelously.

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    1. I don't think it's weird at all Amelia. it shows how genuinely happy you were for her & all that a new baby brings... I'm so sorry to mom & to you as you process the loss. I've never met anyone from here (that I'm aware of), but I know my heart aches for all of the women on here who have experienced the loss of a child in any manner or form. A loss is a loss, & and I think you sound like a great friend for caring so much.

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  93. I found out I was pregnant on march 15th 2015. I started to miscarry may 9th. And most people say "passed" but I see it as I have birth to my son on mothers day, may 10th. I was 8 weeks pregnant. He was our first child. And I just know that deep in my heart he was a boy. And he was our first child. He had ten tiny fingers and little nubs forming into legs. I held him and cried. Told him I'm sorry. I was his vessel and I feel like I failed him. No one can tell me other wise. We buried our son and his daddy made him a headstone. His name was Israel reign. Israel means prevails with god. And he is with god. And I will see him again.

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    1. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Yes, he is with God and you will see him again. I do understand the feeling that you failed him, but you didn't. You held him and nurtured him and loved him for his time on earth and that's all any of us can do. <3

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  94. How do i send u a picture of my daughter she was born 2 months early she was a still born she would be 5 on March 4th that was the most terrifying day of my life

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    1. Tricia, you can email me at lostinnocentsorthodox (at) gmail (dot) com. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  95. I had 2 miscarriages, one last May 2014 and second just few days ago. I started spotting on Monday 14/09, then on tuesday the bleeding got heavier so went to a&e for bleeding, headache and really bad cramp, the dr referred me to have a scan the following day, the reault was all positive, the gestational sac was getting bigger in size but still an empty sac according to them as its only 4-5 wks, and there was no sign whwre the blood is coming from, so they ask me to come back in a week time for viability and dates. But when I got home that afternoon all the pain that I was having had tripled as if Im having contraction, then went to the toilet and as soon as a sat down a big blob drop down to the toilet, it looks like a blood clot but from me it looks like plcenta, but theres no sign of my baby in there, so i thought the ob was right empty sac, but then again that night another big blob drop down when I went to the toilet, thats when I saw my baby, I was just shocked that there were two came out, ao went to the a&e again for having so much pain and bleeding again, I showed them the placenta and where the amniotic sac, they took it to the lab to inspect. Today when i woke up when everything sank in and have been crying all day today, thats when I came across this site, I m so affected I want to read something that will relate to whats happening to me, thats when i know Im not alone and a lot of mother are going through same thing as me..don't know if i can move on from this as its the second time, but this one im more affected, maybe because I saw my baby on his/her 11 wks..but both my babies will be forever in my heart, and very glad and thankful to God that I have two beautiful girls living with me, I love them to bits, we will move on but our babies and their brother/sister will be forever in our heart and in our paryer.
    Thank you again for finding this site.

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    1. Anonymous, I'm so sorry for both of your losses. ((hugs))

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  96. I wanted to just say thank you. I miscarried at 10 1/2 weeks. I was unable to take pictures of my baby because of certain circumstances happening in the hospital at the time...but seeing the babies here, at the different week's stages, allows me to see what was, and what could have been, my baby. It's a terrible burden that I have carried to have lost a child, but seeing these pictures allows me to have some closure and closeness the the child that "could have been". I thank you greatly.

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    1. Tiffany, you're very welcome and I'm glad that the photographs were helpful. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  97. I would like to screenshot to (additional notes) I loved the way you worded it
    I miscarried at 9 weeks and the father says it wasn't life yet even with a heartbeat

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  98. Thank you so much for this page. My miscarriage was six years ago, but I always wish I had examined it more carefully. These photos are all so beautiful. Thank you for explaining the process (rather than just "Go to the doctor" like most books and sites), and describing the experiences in such loving detail.

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    1. When I first miscarried mostly all I could find was "go to the doctor" so I decided people needed something better.

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  99. We recently lost our baby at 10 weeks & he was born at 11 weeks via D&C due to medical complications. I wanted to hold him, tell him I loved him, but the hospital wouldn't allow it, which just added to our heartbreak. Thank you to all the parents who have shared these photos, because now I've been able to see what our precious little baby looked like, I can see that he was exquisite. Thank you God for giving us our child, we don't know why you took him home so soon, but we loved every minute we had with him.

    Precious Baby,
    You will never be forgotten, we love you and we miss you, we will see you again in Heaven.
    Love Mumma & Dadda

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    1. Anonymous, I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry that you weren't able to see your baby. Sometimes due to medical necessity a D&C is necessary so please don't feel any guilt there. May your baby's memory be eternal!

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    2. Thank you so much for your kind words Matushka Anna. I wanted to look back in on my message, because I left it here in our Baby's memory, I certainly didn't expect to see any replies

      8th October 2015 was our Baby's Birthday, a sad day instead of one of joy & it's heartbreaking to think we're just one couple of many who went through the same on that day, & every day of every year. We're praying for all parents touched my miscarriage. Every baby, no matter how tiny, is a person, created by God with love, to be loved.

      Elsie

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  100. Thank you for this. Thank you so very much.

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  101. In May of 2013, I lost a baby around 14-15 weeks. I wish I had been able to hold or even see him or her, just one time. I was not given the option. I didn't even know it was an option. Though I was blessed with a daughter in May of 2015 and I have another little miracle who will arrive in May of 2016, I will always remember the baby I lost. The pain has never and will never fade. My heart goes out at all the parents who have lost their beloved angels. Thank you for sharing these pictures. They were so tough to look at, especially as the gestational age increases, but they are truly appreciated. Thank you again for sharing. I cannot express how sorry I am.

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    1. I'm so sorry for your loss. One day my hope is that I will not hear again, "I didn't know it was an option to see my baby" or "I didn't know it was an option not to have a D&C". Families deserve so much better than what usually happens.

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  102. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  103. I came to this site wondering what the brown baby looking foetus was. I was googling baby abnormalities for research. I have no idea why that baby came up because it's not abnormal nor is it on this site so I have no name for him/her. In any case, looking at these, it appears I have miscarried without even knowing I was pregnant. That makes me sad. I could have had someone and the only reason I "know" is because that period was heavy and I saw the tissue, much like in week 5, Sarah's baby. At the time I remember feeling super sad and thinking this looks like a big clot, I think it's a baby... but I didn't feel any pregnancy symptoms so I dismissed it, thinking it was just my hormones running away with me.

    Now I will never know... but I'm glad I am not insane...it probably WAS a baby. Mother's intuition, you know? Anyway, thank you for your site. I'll find a way to mourn somehow.

    To all of you who have lost your babies and knew about it, HUGS HUGS HUGS!! And to those, like me who didn't know, you get HUGS too! We're all in this together.

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  104. I know and feel everyone's pain. I just had a miscarriage nov 14 2015 at exactly sixteen weeks i had no idea i was even pregnant and got pregnant on my IUD . i had my baby at home which was tramatizing to me and hurtful. To be honest I'm still in shock about it And I get upset and cry. Cause I was always thinking well if maybe I would have did that right maybe my baby would be here I don't get know the cause but I'll always remember my baby.

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    1. I feel your pain, I had gotten the mirena in November and by the time they agreed to take it out I was pregnant 5 weeks.

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  105. I lost my baby Faena May Fielding as I was in labour. The moment when she came out and everyone was silent replays in my head every moment of my life. The doctors said to me im sorry and that was it she was gone. Her cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times. I held her and she was beautiful, blue eyes golden hair and perfect chubby cheeks. We had a lovely funeral with family and friends but I just can't get out of my head that it was my fault, that I could have saved my angel Faena. My husband thinks it too even though he doesn't say I know I just want to hold her again.

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    1. I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. You could NOT have done anything to foresee or prevent it. Please do not blame yourself! Also, don't assume your husband is blaming you. Please have a conversation about it before it comes between you. He is probably not feeling that way at all, but it is so hard to go through something this awful and there is often miscommunication between spouses. I know you just want to hold her again. I know that feeling very well.

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    2. Thank you for setting up this beautiful website, you have helped me a great deal. My husband and I had a long talk last night, not just about Faena but about all the other lumps in our relationships too and you were right; I do feel closer to him and he me. My love and prayers go with everyone who has ever lost a child and I hope day I'll see Faena again.

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  106. I just want her back.

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  107. It's amazing how people are so insensitive about miscarriages. I'm 29 and lost my first pregnancy 2 months ago.visit We found out our baby had no heartbeat at my 12 week visit 11/19/2015. She said its was only measuring 9 weeks and some days. I felt like a bad mother because how didn't I know my baby was dead inside me.had a D&C 11/25/2015 the day before Thanksgiving. My doc was concerned because they didnt get alot of tissue. 1 hour ago which is 2 1/2 months after my D&C I just passed what I believe to be my baby or placenta I can't really tell. It's hard for me because I thought I would never be able to have children. So to get a positive pregnancy test felt amazing and scary all at the same time. And what's crazy is that I feel like a mom who lost her child, but no one else sees me that way.

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  108. I found out I was pregnant on December 22. On January 5th I started bleeding a lot and went to the E.R because I was afraid that I was losing my baby. They took blood to test my Hcg levels. While waiting for the results I was still bleeding and even had clots come out. I was sure that I had lost my baby. They came back to tell me that my Hcg levels were normal but that I could still be miscarrying. They sent me home and told me to call a gyno for a follow up. I felt so hopeless. I felt that going to the E.R had been a waste of my time and money. I was on bed rest for the next 5days. My appointment wasn't until January 14th. Over a week away. The wait was miserable. Laying there wondering if there was life inside of me. There were times were I had hope. There were other times when I would cry because I was sure that my baby was gone and the clots that had come out was it. I was still having brown discharge everyday which was old blood, but I figured my body was getting rid of what was left. The day finally came and I was able to be seen. They did an ultrasound and told me that they could see a sac but no fetal pole or baby. The doctor said that there as a chance I was simply not far enough along to see anything, but that he believed I had miscarried. He didn't think there was anything there. And again I had to wait. 5 more days for another ultrasound at another place. The wait was torture. I had no motivation to do anything. I just wanted them to confirm it for me so that I could start the grieving process. I wanted to be able to start to move on with my life. I felt so alone, but I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through. I didn't want to see their faces full of pity. I didn't feel that anyone would truly understand. So the 5days pass and I am seen again. I go in for my ultrasound and what do you know? They found a heartbeat! Yes they found a strong heartbeat and I was able to see my baby for the first time at 6weeks6days. They sent me back to the other place 2 days later where the doctor apologized for scaring me. On that visit I was able to get another ultrasound done and see my baby once again. It has been a week since that now and here I am still haunted by what I had to go through. I am still afraid. Still terrified. I haven't been able to get excited because I am afraid that I am going to go back for my 12week check up and they are going to tell me that I lost him/her. Every little cramp, every little headache, every little pain makes me afraid again and I am so scared of having to go through that horribly depressing state once again. I read the stories on this page and even though my story is currently a happy one, I feel that I can relate to them in a way. I remember what it felt like when I thought that I had lost my child. I don't want to go through that again. You have all been so strong! And the worst part is knowing it can happen at anytime. I don't even want to tell anyone I am pregnant because I'm afraid of the sad looks I'd get if I lost him/her. I don't really know what the point of writing this was. I guess I just wanted to be heard by someone who, even to a small degree, understand what I went through during that time of waiting and uncertainty. That time when I was sure he/she was gone. I am sorry for the loss of all your precious gifts. If I am traumatized now, I can't imagine how you all feel. Thank you for listening.

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    1. I'm so sorry for the loss of one of your twins. I hope your other twin continues to grow and that you have a healthy baby in your arms this year. Feel free to grieve the loss of the first baby even as you rejoice in the life of the second.

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  109. Hi I found this site really helpful I had a Miscarriage at almost 7 weeks I lost my baby SATURDAY JANUARY 2 I was finishing my 6 week, and when I was taking a shower I saw a red cloth looking sac with a gray cord looking and I touched but I was to hurt to look at I wrapped in a towel and put it on the trash I though it was a blood only, but after that I felt that could have been my baby and it breaks my heart to think about it I know my baby it was only about 7 weeks but it hurts me deeply and I can express it because nobody understand how I feel I am slowly getting back to my activities, but I wonder how much long will I be sad ? when I think about it tears come out and the baby was not plan I still love him and for some reason I felt that it was a boy maybe because I wanted a boy I just pray to gad that my soul recovers from this I lost my job and now I have a new one I smile to people pretending that there is nothing wrong with me but sometimes I cry when I am in free times and see my other friends baby sonograms and I just cant help but to ask why ? I am occasionally occupied my self in other things but sometimes I feel the pain is to big I am only 22 years old so I cant explain the reason of my miscarriage I just know that I will always love this baby even if I did not get to know.

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  110. I went to the E R two times two and at first I hand small pinkish bleeding and the doctor came with a big smile and said that they were heart beating after doing an internal sonogram ( a camara that went inside of me ) so my hopes where up that my little one and me where okay, and he told me that the heart beats where pretty strong and that he did not thought that I was going to have a miscarriage tree days later I was still bleeding and more heavy I got off work and went to the emergency room again to be honest I was hopping to hear that my little one had heart beats again, but I was wrong I started to have a miscarriage I started crying and the probably the nurses could imagine my pain because they ask me why was I crying for maybe they though I was exaggerated since I was just going to be 7 weeks but I could help it I feel lonely my boyfriend was not around he was in jail, and luckily his family took care of me I know he cared but maybe not as much as I have...

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    Replies
    1. Algodon, I am very sorry for the loss of your baby. Even though he wasn't planned, he was still your child and a blessing from God. Know that this baby is with God and will always be yours and you will forever be his mother.

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    2. thanks my name is Sophia (my real name ) I hope that I recover from this... I am slowly going back to my activities I just hope that my little one knows how much I loved him ! I never though that so much love could grow inside of me in 7 weeks :,( just pray for me and all the sadness that my heart has thanks for your website

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  111. Thank you for creating this blog. You have given me closure, and a memory of what I saw Nov 18, 1988. Bless you.

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  112. I just recently lost my baby. I was 7 weeks 3 days. The pain and bleeding came on so suddenly, I knew something was wrong. My fiancé rushed me to the ER where they did a trans vaginal ultrasound and abdominal ultrasound. I was going in and out of conciousness. The Dr came in and told me they were preping the OR that I needed surgey immediately. That is all the information I got before hand. (I had lost conciousness again at that point.) after surgery when I finally came to I was informed of what had happened. I had an ectopic pregnancy and the sac ruptured causing blood to build up in my abdomen. The Dr sucked out 2 liters of blood before he could even begin to see anything. After that he had to remove my baby and remove my Fallopian tube because of the damage that was done to it due to the baby and bleeding. He informed me that my other tube was nowhere to be found because of a massive amount of scarring that neither him nor I knew anything about. On 2/28/16 not only did I lose my baby but I lost any possibility of trying to have another.

    My fiancé keeps telling me that it's just a blessing that I am even alive right now and I know he is right. I had to endure a week in the hospital and blood transfusions and constant monitoring of my blood pressure and heart rate. I was told at the age of 17 that it would be a miracle for me to have kids. I have 2 beautiful daughters though. It's still heartbreaking to lose a baby. I still get angry and sad over it. Watching baby commercials and seeing people I know post pictures of their babies and being pregnant I break down sometimes.

    My Dr told me that my baby was most likely a boy. I grew up with all brothers so I have always wanted to have a little boy. I love my 2 girls with all my heart and I wouldn't trade them for anything, but a little boy would have just finished our family. I have had his named picked out since 2004 when I found out I was pregnant with my first. I'm going this weekend to not only get a bear made with his name on it but to also add his name to my tattoo.

    It's nice to know that I am not alone in feeling this loss. Everyone that knows what happened tries to help me feel better and I love every one of them for it, but I also feel like they just don't fully understand because they have never been through it. I know for me personally the loss is even harder knowing that I will never have the chance to try for another baby again.

    Thank you for giving me the chance to get my story out.

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  113. Taking a friend who is 15 weeks pregnant... amd having an abortion. I have mixed emotions about the whole ordeal... She has 2 children; a single mom. Has health issues. These pictures make me realize... Its a life; I have two children which are grown... I wish for the best. and will post again... Sad day; tomorrow!!!

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  114. My wife was expecting her second baby, the baby was diagnosed with T21 and doctors advised us to abort the baby, I was strongly against this, this still haunts me, even though this happened 2 years ago. After this another baby girl was born, but the child i lost is more special for me, i always think of him, No I have two girls , but nothing can replace the baby we lost

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    Replies
    1. I am so sorry your wife made that decision. May you child's memory be eternal and may God grant you peace.

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  115. I too had a miscarriage last year in June, 2015 when I was 11 weeks. The baby had died between 8-9 weeks. I had the chance to see him in the ultrasound at 7 weeks with his strong heart beat. But pregnancy never felt so real until the day I saw the little baby, like the pictures in this website. I saw his little eyes, ears, nose, mouth, tiny fingers. Then it was real to me, it was a little person. I could not express the love and sadness that came upon me at the same time. I know all of you do understand this feeling. It was my first pregnancy. It scarred me forever. I named him Matthew, because I believed he was a gift from God, and I believe he was a boy (don't know why). I believe I will see him again in heaven. I kept my little baby in a jar with saline solution for more than a month. Not sure what to do with him. At first I told my husband that I just wanted to see him, so he helped me rearch for him through all that blood and tissue. But when I saw him, so real, I could not flushed then down the toilet with the rest of the bloody tissue. After a month, I decided to plant a little tree in our backyard that would remind me of him and that will grow along with him. My baby was buried underneath the tree. A year had passed since then, but the sadness was there. Seeing other pregnancies, other babies being born at around the same time my baby would have been born. I think of how old he would be now. The tree started the get new leaves this spring, and turning green again. At the same time, I found out I am pregnant again. I'm 10 weeks now. I have not wanted to see the doctor because I am afraid they will tell me my second baby is no longer alive again. I have not told anybody but my husband, because I don't want to go through the whole process of telling everyone the sad news, and people feeling sorry for me (I dislike pitty). I will see the doctor in a few days. But I'm so worried. I don't know how to survive a second time. I know some of you, brave women, have gone through that and you are here to give encouragement. I just hope that God could use these experiences to be of encouragement to other women because nobody really knows how this hurts until you experienced it. Thank you for sharing your experiences!

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  116. I'm so sorry for your losses... I must say though, many if these female babies were labeled male because people were unaware of genital development. All babies have a "bud" down there and it can take up to 16 weeks to go away. The twins were likely female based on the bud angle being straight down. There's something great websites about this for future grieving parents to see. I'd hate to bury my daughter and never know she was female. Very sad yet revealing photos. Thank you for providing these.

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    1. I know with my first it was obviously a boy. The doctor, nurse and I examined the second baby together and agreed it was another boy. My last two were too early to tell but they were named for the Saint on whose feast they were born; the names happen to be masculine, but we are ok with that. Some people here knew the sex based on tests beyond a visual examination, and some understand that the decision was rather arbitrary. As long as people are comfortable with thinking they've had a boy or a girl (if they don't know for sure), then that's ok. No harm done. If it's vitally important to someone that they know for sure, then they can have the lab run tests. Generally, however, that means that the body of a tiny baby is destroyed in the process.

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  117. When my son was 2 years old I had my IUD removed and my husband and I started trying for another baby. After a year with no success I was diagnosed with PCOS and began fertility treatments, pills, injections, everything except IVF. After undergoing fertility treatments for another year and a half I finally found out I was pregnant! At 12 weeks I began feeling a pinching pain and went to the doctors. It was mine and my husbands 2 year wedding anniversary. As I was laying on the ultrasound table with my husband sitting next to me the ultrasound tech began the exam. Since I had been going through fertility treatments for over a year I kinda knew what I was seeing on the monitor. There was nothing in my uterus. She moved the wand upward and I saw the blue and red of the blood flow on the screen but I knew it wasn't viable. She left the room to get my doctor who came in and watched the exam for herself. She then explained to me that what I had was an ectopic pregnancy and although the baby was indeed alive if I chose to move forward with the pregnancy I would likely rupture my Fallopian tube and could die. I was then told my only other option would be to receive two injections of methotrexate that would force my body to miscarry the baby over the following 2 weeks. Considering everything we went through to conceive this baby the thought of having to essentially abort a healthy baby because it was in the wrong place of my body was devistating. My husband and I went over to the infusion center at the hospital where I was brought into a room with people receiving chemotherapy so I could get a dose of it myself. After the injections I was an emotional wreck for a week but it only got worse the second week when i started bleeding. Every time I went to the bathroom my heart broke a little more. Eventually after almost two weeks I miscarried my baby while in the shower. It was one of the hardest days of my life. 6 months after that I went back to the hospital to have an exam done that checks for blockages in the Fallopian tubes. Sure enough my left Fallopian tube was completely occluded and the right one was over 75% occluded. At that time my doctor told me that between this and my PCOS the chances of myself getting pregnant again without IVF were extremely rare. That was in February 2012. At that time I gave up . I had a healthy happy 4 year old and was blessed to have him. On July 4th 2012 I started having some cramps and since I have PCOS I rarely get periods I assumed one was coming but after 3 days I didn't start bleeding. I worked in a doctors office at the time and was talking to one of the doctors she told me I should take a pregnancy test just to be sure I wasn't pregnant as I had such bad blockage in my Fallopian tubes the chances of another ectopic pregnancy were extremely high if I did get pregnant again. I reluctantly agreed and lo and behold it was a positive pregnancy test. I called my Obgyn right away and went in for an appointment. I was sick to my stomach with worry but after an ultra sound to confirm my doctor told us that we were in fact 8 weeks pregnant and the baby was securely in my uterus where it should have been and had a strong heart beat. On March 6th 2013 we were blessed with the birth of a healthy 8 lb 7 oz baby girl! Not a day goes by I don't think about the baby we lost but I know now that miracles happen every day! Alivia is now a sassy, smart, lovable 3 year old and is our rainbow baby! We have our boy and against all odds we have our girl. Our family is complete and to all of you women that are struggling to conceive after a loos never give up hope!

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  118. To the person who left the comment yesterday about your ectopic pregnancy, I just accidentally deleted it while trying to read the rest. I'm so very sorry! Please feel free to comment again and please accept my apologies. It's hard to do anything on my phone!

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  119. I have a question, I dont know if anyone can answer me I just need to know because Im so very scarred by my experience. I just went through my third miscarriage on the weekend.. babys heart stopped beating at 8 weeks.. I had used misoprostol and had such extreme contractions and pain... the next morning while in the bath I passed the baby... This is my issue, i can hardly type this :( Is the baby always whole in miscarriage? can the contractions from the miscarriage cause any damage to the fetus ?? The baby was not in the sac..i actually only passed the sac yesterday :( but when i passed the fetus there were 2 parts and it seemed like it, was part of the baby.. its killing me because i worry that i did that, when I picked up the clot like part it was attached to im scared i, damaged the baby :( but i didnt see that happen... could it have been my body? can this happen?? every picture i see the baby looks so easy to pick out.. i could see the head, body, eyes..it just looked, not whole :( im sorry for the graphic question this is just weighing soo heavy on my heart :(

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    1. MeggyMay, no, the baby's body is not always whole. Do not feel any guilt over this as it is nothing you have any control over. One big factor is the amount of time between when the baby dies and it is born. The sac and the baby's body do start to break down as time goes on and an 8 week baby is already very fragile. This can result in the baby being born outside the sac and thus less protected.

      I'm so sorry for your losses! May the memory of your babies be eternal.

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    2. thank you so much! It had been only around 4 days after the heart stopped that I took the medication to begin the miscarriage..It really takes a little weight off of me, I had tried searching everywhere and unfortunatly found no one who experienced it.

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  120. loss of a baby is a horrible experience. You're happy for months, you're already imagining what your baby will look like, who it will take after... And then this. I'm sorry for everyone who suffers from it right now. You're not alone!

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  121. When my son was 2 years old I had my IUD removed and my husband and I started trying for another baby. After a year with no success I was diagnosed with PCOS and began fertility treatments, pills, injections, everything except IVF. After undergoing fertility treatments for another year and a half I finally found out I was pregnant! At 12 weeks I began feeling a pinching pain and went to the doctors. It was mine and my husbands 2 year wedding anniversary. As I was laying on the ultrasound table with my husband sitting next to me the ultrasound tech began the exam. Since I had been going through fertility treatments for over a year I kinda knew what I was seeing on the monitor. There was nothing in my uterus. She moved the wand upward and I saw the blue and red of the blood flow on the screen but I knew it wasn't viable. She left the room to get my doctor who came in and watched the exam for herself. She then explained to me that what I had was an ectopic pregnancy and although the baby was indeed alive if I chose to move forward with the pregnancy I would likely rupture my Fallopian tube and could die. I was then told my only other option would be to receive two injections of methotrexate that would force my body to miscarry the baby over the following 2 weeks. Considering everything we went through to conceive this baby the thought of having to essentially abort a healthy baby because it was in the wrong place of my body was devistating. My husband and I went over to the infusion center at the hospital where I was brought into a room with people receiving chemotherapy so I could get a dose of it myself. After the injections I was an emotional wreck for a week but it only got worse the second week when i started bleeding. Every time I went to the bathroom my heart broke a little more. Eventually after almost two weeks I miscarried my baby while in the shower. It was one of the hardest days of my life. 6 months after that I went back to the hospital to have an exam done that checks for blockages in the Fallopian tubes. Sure enough my left Fallopian tube was completely occluded and the right one was over 75% occluded. At that time my doctor told me that between this and my PCOS the chances of myself getting pregnant again without IVF were extremely rare. That was in February 2012. At that time I gave up . I had a healthy happy 4 year old and was blessed to have him. On July 4th 2012 I started having some cramps and since I have PCOS I rarely get periods I assumed one was coming but after 3 days I didn't start bleeding. I worked in a doctors office at the time and was talking to one of the doctors she told me I should take a pregnancy test just to be sure I wasn't pregnant as I had such bad blockage in my Fallopian tubes the chances of another ectopic pregnancy were extremely high if I did get pregnant again. I reluctantly agreed and lo and behold it was a positive pregnancy test. I called my Obgyn right away and went in for an appointment. I was sick to my stomach with worry but after an ultra sound to confirm my doctor told us that we were in fact 8 weeks pregnant and the baby was securely in my uterus where it should have been and had a strong heart beat. On March 6th 2013 we were blessed with the birth of a healthy 8 lb 7 oz baby girl! Not a day goes by I don't think about the baby we lost but I know now that miracles happen every day! Alivia is now a sassy, smart, lovable 3 year old and is our rainbow baby! We have our boy and against all odds we have our girl. Our family is complete and to all of you women that are struggling to conceive after a loos never give up hope!

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    1. I'm so sorry for your loss, especially given how hard it is to have to treat an ectopic pregnancy. What a miracle your youngest baby is! Glory to God!

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  122. I lost my baby at 7 weeks in 2010 i believe it was a "he" this november he would be 6 years old <3
    my partner at the time was unsupportive and first thing he said when i told him i was pregnant was "get rid of it" i do not believe in abortion and wanted the baby, he started to come around but was happy when i had the miscarriage... his mother came over to our house and randomly out the blue asked a few months later why i even wanted it and sat there while i cried she didnt comfort me in anyway just stared at me... I was glad when she left. i am still devistated and always will be its only this past year i have looked into the development stages and realised things i were told was a lie...it did have a heart beat it wasnt just a group of cells he felt and could hear my heartbeat and voice knew who his mummy was n that i loved him...lately i realise with my 3 year old daughter that 3 years later was born once i got in a new relationship that a child cannot be replaced by simply having children after that loss, they are all unique and u love them each in a special way, when i had my miscarriage a large clot came out i was in shock and on my own i held it on a tissue thinking the whole thing was the baby i told it i loved it n wrappdd it in tissue and flushed down the toilet lookin back now i wish wish wish WISH i had looked into it more kept it ect i regret it everyday because i could have seen him because i fort the entire thing was the baby all red n squishy and it hurts my heart whenever i think of that moment, i have nothing of my baby but the raw memory but i know my spirit baby is with me and watching over his little sister and me every day and one day i will hopefully get to hold him properly in my arms iv never opened up like this before ive never had anyone to talk to because nobody understands xx

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    1. Emma, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby boy, and for the lack of love and support you should have had at that time. Your baby is in heaven and you will be with him again. This life is but the blink of an eye compared to all eternity.

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  123. Thank you Matushka i appreaciate ur reply!
    I think im still yurning for that baby because i havnt grieved properly i think of it every day its like automatic, i light a candle on baby rememberance day and the due date aswell id like to tell my daughter she has a sibling in heaven but she is very out spoken and will most likely get back to her father and i dont want him getting funny about it even tho that baby was nothing to do with him so im waiting until shes older and able to keep secrets to herself. I called the baby Sail <3

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  124. My only true desire in life was to be a mom.God has blessed me with 2 daughter and 2 sons. I realize I should be grateful but 4 miscarriages later i feel lost. My last one was this weekend and me being 40 I'm thinking its likely my last time i will get pregnant my husband is talking vasectomy.He was the one who wanted to try again i thought we were done after our last son and out of the blue he said he wanted to have another baby. I said lets pray on it and after a month Okay lets do it. well that was three years ago. I suffered my first miscarriage at 8wks (we named the baby Jean Riley )they said the sac had no heart bet and was likely a missed miscarriage,that was May 2014 i got pregnant again in July while on vacation to my joy and at my 19 wk ultrasound found out the baby(J-son) had passed at 16wks & 5days i carried the baby for two more weeks and then after much laboring went in to the ER I had the baby in a hospital bed alone no doctors or nurse in the room. They did come in a few minutes later and take the baby. They wanted us to just leave the baby it was Dec 4,2014 we were 6 days away from my youngest 5th birthday and 21 days from Christmas. We said we want to have our baby back so we opted for cremation. It was hard and we had to wait for the doctors to say we didnt need a death certificate and they could do the cremation. The funeral home was helpful and kept us up to speed on the progress which i appreciated. in June of 2015 i got pregnant again and was so happy again at 7wks the baby (Erin) died i did natural miscarriage again. i didnt get pregnant again for almost a year and had given up on it even happening again. I was over joyed and scared to be pregnant again this time. at 6 wks i went to ER with bad cramping and was told i had a subchorionic hemtoma i think is how its spelled its a blood clot by the babies placenta. The baby (Jordan) was progressing great and had a strong heart beat. i was relieved to say the least a week later at a follow up visit my doctor sent me back to the ER For labs saying my iron was low and i needed a blood transfusion likely. In the end i had another ultra sound and baby was doing great even though the blood clot had gotten bigger. I was so relieved and went home for the next 5 wks thinking the pregnancy was going fine. I woke up Saturday morning at 430 am to bleeding i hoped against hope that it was from the SCH.Some said they didnt feel pregnant i felt that way but dismissed it as crazy but it was true At the ER they did an ultrasound and the doctor came in and told me that the baby had passed away just days after the last scan. He sent me home to naturally miscarry and that night i felt a gush and the process began. I passed the bay in the toilet got a glove and got it out and put it in a plastic bag in the freezer until i figure out what to do with it i want to barry it in a pot with flowers as i don't own this home and can't bare to leave it here when we move. I had lots of huge blood clots come out the size of grapefruit and that was Saturday night Sunday morning and Monday i felt great with barely any pain today i woke up in tremendous pain and passed a large clot with pink tissue i got that out of the toilet because i want sure what it was i think now after looking at all the pictures here it was the after birth. i put it in a jar to take to the doctors tomorrow i have a follow up it was supposed to be my 12wk appointment. I am at a lost trying to figure out what to do with all this grief reading here i have cried and felt relieved as well. I know this has all been God's plan for me I am just trying to figure out what he wants me to do with this grief. Miscarriages are and have been a dirty word and a shameful secret i have kept it secret from the closet of friends and family out of fear of there looks. I am trying to find an outlet for my pain I hope i do and am able to help another women suffering. Thank you so much for this site i am forever grateful. Much love and hugs to all the mom's of the lost I know they are with Jesus!

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    1. LaLa, I'm so sorry for the loss of your four babies. However many living children you have it can't erase the pain of loss. May God give you peace and solace.

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