Welcome

If you have found this site, you most likely have lost a baby or are losing one. I'm so very sorry. I hate that anyone would need the information on this site, but I pray that it is helpful to you.

I'm aware that quite a number of non-Orthodox people have accessed this site and found it helpful and that's good. It was never my intention to be exclusive about who is welcome here! Even if you don't share my faith, please do avail yourself of the rest of the site. The pages that are most specific to Orthodoxy are Prayers and Liturgics and the Touchstone article. The Actual Process is entirely medical in nature and the Photographs page is just that. In addition, while many of the stories are about Orthodox families, not all of them are. All of this is simply to say that you should be able to find what you need comfortably without feeling like I'm forcing my faith upon you.

This site is always going to be a work in progress as more parents add their stories and photographs. In addition I will add any relevant news items here on the main page under this post. If there is anything you think should be added here or any corrections you would like to make, again, feel free to email me.

May the most Holy Lady Theotokos, the Mother of God, comfort you in your grief, as she has comforted me in mine.

-Matushka A.

Yet another addition...

Candy has shared the story of her baby Kendall's birth (9 weeks, 5 days) and also two beautiful photographs which I have added to the photographs page. Thank you so much, Candy. May God comfort you in your sorrow.

New Additions

There have been some new additions lately that I would like to draw attention to:

First, many thanks to Jennifer for sharing photos of her beautiful baby girl Ava May with us. Ava's photographs may be seen on the Photographs page. She was approximately 16 weeks when she departed this life.

Second, many additional thanks to Amelia for sharing a true labor of love. She started to write the birth story of her son Micah but it turned into a site of its own. Micah departed this life at the age of approximately 14-15 weeks and was born several weeks later at home after misoprostol induction. She was attended by a midwife. The links to Micah's story can be found on the Your Stories page and The Actual Process page (because of the wonderful medical details included). In addition, because Amelia included the narrative of Micah's burial and the memorial services I have linked to her blog on the Prayers and Liturgics page. Needless to say, Micah's photographs can be seen on the Photographs page. Additional photographs are viewable on her blog.

I can't express to you how grateful I am for the generosity of people sharing their precious babies on this site! So many women have been helped and are continuing to be helped by what can be found here.

Change can happen

I'm cross posting this from my other site. This was an amazing comment made by willfulmina this evening on this post (about Fr. Peter Gilquist's miscarriage paper):

I just wanted to let you know that after reading this post, I had a long discussion on the subject with my husband, who is a seminarian at Jordanville. I was really heartbroken over the wording used in the prayers, and felt strongly that more needed to be done for the grieving families who have suffered such a devastating loss. In situations like this, he tends to defend the church wholeheartedly and sometimes does not understand why I can't accept that this is the way things are done. We didn't really come to an understanding, but laid our differences aside and tried to forget about them.

A few days later, one of my husband's professors e-mailed and requested that everyone come up with questions to ask at a round table discussion at the clergy conference, which was being held in Jordanville. My husband surprised me when he told me that one of his questions had to do with miscarriage. He asked specifically about what the Church teaches, what services priests can serve, how they should minister to the grieving families, etc. When the questions were read aloud, no one volunteered to answer them. It seems the questions stumped all of the ROCOR priests in attendance. One priest remarked, "We have services for everything--except for this." One told about a family who lost a baby and stopped coming to church because he could not serve a funeral for their baby. One priest remarked that the funeral service, which is all about forgiving the sins of the departed, is irrelevant for an innocent baby. Met. Hilarion spoke about a young woman who recently lost her overdue baby, and how they served a service written by her grandfather, and said that he would speak to the Synod of Bishops about adopting that as the official service. My husband's professor later told him that many priests were grateful that question was asked, because they had struggled with it themselves over the years. I just wanted to thank you for sparking all of that and let you know what this post led to.

I mean, wow. Change is happening. Glory to God.

Review of paper can be found here.

2 years

Remembering my sweet baby Innocent today.

Memory Eternal!

Review of "An Orthodox Pastoral Approach to Miscarriage" by Fr. Peter J. Gillquist

I have been very privileged to read a copy of Fr. Peter Jon Gillquist's thesis entitled, “An Orthodox Pastoral Approach to Miscarriage”*. With his permission I would like to share parts of it with you here.

How came Fr. Peter to write on this topic? From the introduction:

“On the morning of Holy Thursday, 2003, following the celebration of the institution of the Mystical Supper, my wife Kristina suffered a miscarriage. Prior to this day, I had not given much thought to losing a baby. I remembered vividly the time my sister’s son had died in the womb at five months – the footprints taken at the hospital, the tiny casket at the cemetery, and the devastating months of tears that followed – but this was the first time I had experienced the harsh reality myself: my child had died.” (p. 2)

Fr. Peter then began a journey through the rocky terrain of pregnancy loss. He wanted to bury his child, but where? Who would do it? Who could guide him on this unfamiliar journey? His parish priest was kind but couldn't offer help. In the end his child Zoe was buried at a monastery in an area created just for this purpose (on the occasion of Zoe's burial).

New Page: "Picking up the pieces..."

I just started a new page called "Picking up the pieces..." It is not complete and I will need your help to expand it. It addresses the questions that come after the initial shock and activity. Questions like, "will it ever get better? When?" Because everyone experiences something a little different your contributions are very valuable. Please leave comments on that page sharing with everyone what your experiences were. I will gradually add more content to the page.